


Brite Lites

by SinkingWithLife



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Chaptered, Cheating, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fashion Shows, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt, Hurt Harry, Hurt Louis, Jealous Harry, Jealousy, M/M, Modeling, Publicity Stunts, Slow Build, Songfic, Swearing, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-25
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-01-09 22:29:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinkingWithLife/pseuds/SinkingWithLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Harry disappears out of Louis' life and the medias eye, Louis is broken and confused and maybe looks at gossip magazines a little too much. But when Harry's face finally finds it's way on the front covers, he's not alone. Fueled by heartbreak, Louis throws himself into the fashion industry and straight into the spotlight with a vengeance,  finding some and losing some in his mission to sabotage his not quite husband of three years. </p><p>-</p><p>   Or the one where Harry leaves and Louis becomes a model and just wants him to hurt as much as he does.</p><p> *** PERMANENT HIATUS****</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Doesn't Matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos are very much appreciated

  Louis supposes he’s always subconsciously scanned the covers of magazines in search for his face or those obnoxious bold letters that splattered the pages announcing false wrongdoings and nasty rumors about him. Every news stand or convenience store check out he encountered his eyes would flicker over the heading, subheading, pictures, and captions looking for something, anything really, that could give him some peace of mind.   
  
    
   He never found anything. Yet time and time again he could feel something deep inside him churn uncomfortably against his will and the ring on his finger would feel too heavy and too tight, but he never took it off because he promised and even though Harry may break his promises, he does not.   
  
  
  It was as if the day Harry walked out of Louis’ life, he also walked out of the media’s sights. There were no longer any band pictures on the covers, only individual ones where they were sighted walking out of a Starbucks on early mornings or them with their significant others. Never any of Harry though.   
  
  
  Louis hadn’t spoken to Liam, Niall, or Zayn in the past 4 months. Immediately after the word of Harry’s departure reached their ears, Louis would get calls from them when they decided it fit to check on Louis’ well-being, and they were nice at first. But then the calls seemed forced and their voices tight and Louis just stopped answering and the calls eventually stopped coming. Some of Louis’ final ties with his strayed lover stretching, then finally snapping.   
  
  
  A tie that still has yet to snap, however, is in the form of a small girl named Ondine and her current boyfriend, James. Ondine had latched herself to Louis’ side after hearing the full story of Louis and Harry’s end, coming to his flat every other day without fault and dragging Louis from his cold bed every Sunday so they could shop for groceries that had rotted away in Louis’ fridge, untouched, and grab a bit of food and try to forget how much pain Louis was actually in. Standing at the same height as Louis and sharing some eerily similar characteristics to Louis himself, Ondine had made a name for herself in the fashion industry and a place in Louis’ heart.   
  
  
  James, on the other hand, was never close to Louis. Although being one of Harry’s best mates, Louis knew little of the man aside from what Ondine has said and how he looks with a drunk Harry’s draped across his shoulder when Harry got too intoxicated to make it up the stairs to their flat on his own. James was never rude to Louis, and for the times he got Harry home safely he was grateful, but Louis had no other reason to like and or trust him.   
  
  
  The few times James has accompanied Ondine on their Sunday getaways following the break up, he was tight lipped and extremely uncomfortable, sending Louis looks that let Louis know he knew something he didn’t and wouldn’t tell him. On one Sunday in specific, Louis had had enough of the sideway glances and odd looks and cornered James when Ondine had excused herself to the restroom.   
  
  
  The ice cream parlor was nearly empty that afternoon and James was looking at Louis once again, tapping away on his phone as soon as Louis’ eyes tried to meet his.   
  
  
  “Why do you keep looking at me.” Louis had said, and upon receiving nothing but a shrug of the shoulders and a non concerning humph, Louis slammed his hands on the table. James had jumped and hit his knee on the table, hands flying up and releasing the phone that was previously clutched between his sweaty palms, a worrying crack sounding as it hit the tile floor below the table.   
  
  
  It lay face up, unlocked and unprotected to peering eyes, specifically, Louis’. His eyes had scanned the open text messages quickly.   
  
  
**4:45pm**  
  _At the parlor w/ Ondine and L. You cnt hide 4ever H. News is gunna hear bout it soon. Just let m tell m’_  
  
  
  Before he could read Harry’s reply and figure out just what was being kept from him, James had snatched the phone up, looking at Louis with wide eyes. “How much did you read.” He asked, and Louis realized coldly that’s the first time James has ever spoken to his directly.   
  
  
  “Tell me what.” Louis said instead. James shook his head and locked his phone.   
  
  
  “I can’t tell you.”   
  
  
  “Bullshit!” Louis had yelled, standing up from his chair and nearly knocking it over. It was the first he’s even heard of Harry being alive in months, he wasn’t going to let it be passed off. “Where is Harry.”   
  
  
  “It’s not my place to tell, mate.” James sighed. Louis could have screamed, but he didnt. He could have punched him too, and despite James being much bigger than Louis himself, Louis knew he could do some damage and probably get away easy enough. But he didn’t do either of those things because the little kids standing with their mom in the line looked a little scared and even through his rage, he wouldn’t risk mentally scarring a small child.   
  
  
  Instead, Louis’ stiff, intimidating posture wore and wavered before falling and he stood looking at James with pleading eyes. “Please.” He had whispered to deaf ears, despite the owner of said ears looking rather sympathetic to the boy in front of him, he had refused to budge.   
  
  
  Louis had left after that, rushing out of the shop before Ondine came out and tried to stop him, walked until he heard his name being called, then he ran. Breathing labored and legs numb, but refusing to stop until his was in the safety of his dirty apartment where he could let the tears fall honestly and unashamedly. And if Ondine showed up at his apartment that night and pounded on his door until the new day was there, no one had to know.   
  
  
-  
  
  
  “What do you want this week, Louis” Ondine asked, and although Louis’ own misery seemed to had rubbed off on the petite model to the point where bags were beginning to show under her eyes, she smiled at him and hooked her arm with his.   
  
  
  In her free arm she clutched a shopping basket, filled only with a crumpled piece of paper that was left by a previous customer. Louis shrugged and Ondine sighed and her smile fell a little. She rested her head on his shoulder and loose strands of her dark brown hair tickled his neck and chin.   
  
  
  “You gotta eat Lou.” Ondine said and dragged him down an aisle filled with fresh vegetables and fruits.    
  
  
  “I do eat.” Louis protested.   
  
  
  Ondine laughed lightly, “I hardly think pizza and Chinese take-out count as a meal.” she hummed, releasing Louis’ arm and handing him the basket so she could scan over the produce. “How about instead of going to a restaurant tonight we curl up on the shitty sofa of yours and watch even shittier TV shows, yeah? I’ll even cook for you.” Ondine suggested, turning to Louis while holding a head of lettuce. Despite being similar in the look category, Ondine could cook, much unlike Louis. And even though her cooking wasn’t as good as Harry’s, it was edible and Louis didn’t refuse the offer, longing for a home cooked meal.   
  
  
  “Yeah, let’s do that.” Louis said and smiled a small smile at her which Ondine happily returned with a blinding one of her own.   
  
  
  “Brilliant!” She said, and began walking again, putting in apples and other fruits before carrying on her way. Out of that aisle and down another, Louis subconscious screaming as they passed a magazine stand. “What do you think would suit your fancy? I’m kind of craving some tacos. What about you?” A pause. “Louis?” Ondine asked carefully.   
  
  
  But Louis couldn’t reply because the air in his lungs was gone and his throat was tightening because he had actually found something this time. And the title wasn’t offending or degrading and the picture that accompanied it was blurry and grainy but it was still Harry and it still hurt.    
  
 **FORMER BOY BANDERS NEW HOTTIE**  
  
  
  “Louis.” Ondine said sadly, and placed a hand gently on Louis’ arm as if to pull him away, but her hold was weak and Louis’ hands moved almost mechanically to the magazine, pulling it from it’s stack and flipping through the pages. “Louis, let’s just go home.”   
  
  
   **Former Boy Bander Harry Styles Playing Ball For BOTH Teams?**   
  
   _This New Year’s weekend was one of new beginnings and change. Especially for hottie Harry Styles who was seen out with female model, Kendall Jenner, in a rather cosy position. Now, do you hold your friends like that?_  
 _No one can deny that these two stars look absolutely adorable together, but the question on everyone's mind is where is ‘former’ boyfriend Louis Tomlinson?_  
 _In a recent interview after these photos were leaked, Harry unabashedly admitted that he was seeing the brunette cutie. Admit-_  
  
  
  “That’s it.” Ondine said from her position over Louis shoulder, surprising Louis with how much venom laced her voice. She snatched the paper from his hand and threw it angrily on the pile once again, knocking over a rack of soups. “Bastard!” She shouted, grabbing Louis and dragging him away, tossing their basket to the side, ignoring the store owners angry shouts at them, dismissing him with a ‘Fuck off!’ from Ondine and whimper from Louis.   
  
  
  They jogged through the parking lot and to Ondine’s truck, doors being thrown open roughly before Louis was hastily shoved in. “One second.” She said, then closed the door just as hard and marched into the middle of the parking lot where she proceeded to tear her phone out of her pocket and yell into the receiver until she was red in the face and had angry tears in the corners of her eyes.   
  
  
  Louis who was sat in the car with hot tears pouring from his own, felt the weight on his finger again, heavy and tight and _burning_. His other fingers shakily turned the ring, sliding over the smooth skin of his ring finger. Mind clouded and eyes stinging, he made a final decision.   
  
  
  “I’m sorry Louis.” Ondine said, and her face was a fading pink color but her eyes still gleamed mean. “I didn’t know. Fuck! I didn’t know.” She whispered, Louis own face was a lighter shade of pink that signaled sadness, opposite of the anger that was fading from Ondine’s.   
  
  
  Louis knew he was going to choke on his words, “It’s fine Ondine.” He said quietly, but she didn’t seem to hear him.   
  
  
  “How could that bastard not tell me.” She started the engine with more force than necessary and pushed her foot on the gas, missing a car by nearly an inch.   
  
  
  “It’s fine, I know you didn’t know.”   
  
  
  “He said he didn’t know anything! He lied.”   
  
  
  “Ondine-”  
  
  
  “He lied for months”  
  
  
  She continued to babble angrily, speeding down the road, sun shining proudly in the sky. Louis felt his own emotions bubble and broil before spilling over. “Ondine!” He yelled ignoring her startled expression before her mouth snapped shut. “Will you just shut up? Okay? I know you didn’t know. You don’t need to apologize.” He said and Ondine didn’t look hurt and Louis was glad, he wouldn't have been able to handle it if she was upset with him.   
  
  
  It was quiet, not even the radio played. Louis’ fingers trailed once again up to the cold metal encircling his finger. “Take me to the river.”   
  
  
  Ondine raised an eyebrow at him and he could tell she was still angry, just not at him. “We’re almost home.”  
  
  
  “Take me to the river.” He repeated, and Ondine replied with a nod and a sharp turn, veering off the highway and onto the two-lane road.   
  
  
-  
  
  
  Louis had been standing over the rushing water for 20 minutes and not a word had been spoken between him and Ondine from the moment he stepped out of the car, the silence fell on them like rain and pooled at their feet, it wasn’t uncomfortable however. No words were needed from either party, a silent understanding.   
  
  
  He twirled the metal between his fingers, feeling and remembering.   
  
  
_“Marry me.” Harry said, his fingers were tangled in Louis’ hair as they sat in their bay window and watched the white, fluffy snow float softly down to the already blanketed ground. Louis turned his head slowly and peered up at him with wide eyes._  
  
 _“What?” He asked, and he could feel Harry chuckle against his back._  
  
 _“Marry me.” He said again, this time with a wide smile and shining eyes. “Let’s get married.”_  
  
 _“What?” Louis repeated and Harry laughed at him and swooped his head down, pressing his lips firmly to Louis’._  
  
 _“Marry me.” He murmured against Louis cheek and Louis could only nod._  
  
 _“Okay.”_  
  
  
  “You don’t have to Louis.” And suddenly the present time was there and it hurt, Louis shook his head.   
  
  
  “Yes I do.” He said and his voice didn’t waver or falter, “It doesn’t matter anymore, I don’t matter anymore.” Ondine frowned at him.   
  
  
  “You matter.”  
  
  
  Louis scoffed and shook his head, dangling the ring on the tip on his pinky, it swayed in the light wind. Without warning, he curled his finger, the ring plummeted into the water below and it didn’t happen in slow motion like the movies but in real time. It was gone before Louis could blink for a second time.   
  
  
  He released a breath he didn’t know he was holding, turning and walking past Ondine and straight to the car. “Let’s go home.” Because honestly he knew if he were to stay a moment longer, he’d be in the frigid water looking for the ring that no longer provided him with the comfort it used to.   
  
  
-  
  
  
  Louis and Ondine sat on the couch watching shitty TV shows, and even though they didn’t have a home cooked meal, it was nice. They had drank two beers each and were now on a bottle of wine Louis didn’t know he had.  
  
  
  An empty pizza box and ice cream tub sat on the coffee table, Louis looked at it curiously. “Can you even eat that?” He asked, noting his words were slightly slurred.   
  
  
  Ondine looked at the pizza box, recalling the 5 slices of fat she had just consumed and nodded slowly. “Yeah. I mean, I think. I just did.”  
  
  
  Louis shook his head, “No, like are you allowed to?”  
  
  
  Ondine laughed suddenly, slapping her knee, “What, because I model?” Louis nodded, suddenly feeling very stupid. “Of course I can, who’s to stop me?”  
  
  
  “I don’t know.” Louis mumbled, taking another sip from his drink.   
  
  
  “You’re funny.” Ondine said, “And hot.” She added, Louis looked at her, confused. “Like, really hot.”  
  
  
  “I could be your brother. I basically am. It’s not cool to come onto your brother.” Louis said, almost tacking something about Harry and James on the end but decided against it.   
  
  
   Ondine smacked him on the arm, “No, you dildo! I mean you’re hot. Like… Model hot.”  
  
  
  Louis stared at her.   
  
  
  Suddenly, Ondine’s laughter stopped and her face lit up, “I have a plan.” She declared and Louis sent her a look that said, ‘continue.’. “Louis love, have you ever considered modeling?”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L.B.A.M.T.S.I.T.T.M

  “Modeling?” Louis asked, grabbing the wine bottle to pour himself more and frowning when he discovered there was no more to pour.  
  
  
  “Yes modeling! Modeling, modeling, modeling.” Ondine babbled, maybe that’s where all the wine went. “Think about it Lou, I’m a model, I could help you.”  
  
  
  “Help me what? What the hell is your plan? Did you drink all the wine?” Louis waved the empty bottle of wine in front of her face and yelped when she smacked it to the ground. “Hey.”  
  
  
  Ignoring Louis’ question, Ondine continued, “Imagine if you’re-” she paused, mouth still hung open with unsaid words and frankly, it looked kind of creepy.   
  
  
  “Ondine…”   
  
  
  She quickly held a finger up to her lips and snapped her mouth shut, turning in her seat to glare at the door. “Listen.” She whispered.   
  
  
  Louis listened, he really did, but there was nothing to hear, “To what?” He asked, but soon after there were three quick knocks on the door and Louis’ question was answered.  
  
  
  “That!” She whisper shouted and stood from her seat, tip toeing to the door and pressing her ear to the cold wood. Louis stood and followed her.   
  
  
  “What the hell are you doing?” He asked, trying to pry her from the door so he could open it and see who the person on the other side of it was but it was as if she had glued herself to it, budging an inch before snapping right back into place. “Open the damn door, Ondine.”   
  
  
  She shook her head and pushed him away, “Do you think it’s James?” She asked, then her nose flared and she looked scary again, “If it’s that fucker, I’m going to knee him so hard, his balls will look like tumors in his face.” Before Louis could protest, she threw the door open. “James - oh.” Her previous anger had completely vanished and in its place was a look of surprise.   
  
  
  “Who is it?” Louis asked.   
  
  
  “Oh even fucking better! Look who it is! Mr. ‘I’m too much of a bastard to call my friend when he’s just had his heart broken’ Horan!” She shouted and Louis tried to peer around the open door to get a glance at the boy he hadn’t spoken to in what felt like forever, but it was slammed shut.   
  
  
  “Ondine! Why did you do that?” Louis asked, watching her stomp off back into the living room and grab the wine bottle off the floor.   
  
  
  “Because he’s a prick that has his head shoved too far up his ass to be anything but. Goddammit, where did all the wine go?”   
  
  
  “In you!” Louis yelled, “Why is he here?”  
  
  
  “Like I know!” She yelled back and the knocks on the door returned, softer than before but still determined.   
  
  
  “I’m going to see.” Louis said and reached for the door. Ondine protested but fell into a pout when she wasn’t listened to and the door was opened wide.   
  
  
  “I’m sorry.” Was the first thing Niall said, and if he was expecting anything to come from the Irish lads mouth, it wasn’t sorry. Though it felt like forever since he had heard and seen his friend, (could he still call him a friend?), he knew it was only months. But looking at the man in front of him, he would have never guessed.   
  
  
  Niall’s classic blonde locks that he had maintained throughout his time in One Direction were gone, now dyed a light brown color that was similar to his natural color that Louis had seen in early childhood photographs. His usually clean-shaven face was covered in stubble that shouldn’t work but did, making him look aged past his young 22 years. Clad in a thin black t-shirt and flannel pajama pants, he looked odd in the cold winter setting. The chilly January air swept into the apartment and he wondered how Niall wasn't shaking.   
  
  
  “Lou?” Niall asked and Louis looked back up at his face, mouth moving but saying nothing. “I didn’t know.” He sighed, and Louis did his best to ignore the quiver that had creeped it’s way into his voice.   
  
  
  “Neither did I.” Louis said, and smiled shakily.   
  
  
  Niall smiled back, “I brought Zayn.” He said, and his arm disappeared from view as he grabbed the body that was hiding from the light.   
  
  
  “What a jolly good day!” Ondine shouted sarcastically from the living room, hitting the empty wine bottle against the arm of the sofa and watching it bounce.   
  
  
  “Is that Ondine?” Zayn asked, standing in the doorway next to Niall and cramming his neck to get a better view into the darkened flat. Louis looked at him questioningly and nodded slowly.   
  
  
  “Don’t be too excited to see me mate.” Louis scoffed and Zayn frowned.   
  
  
  “Of course I’m excited to see you, Lou.” And as if to prove his point, he stepped the rest of the way into the flat and wrapped his arms around Louis, squeezing tightly. Louis went rigid in his hold before realizing, this is Zayn, and returned the embrace. “I missed you Louis.” and Louis didn’t mention how he could have just come sooner.   
  
  
  “I missed you too, Zayn.”   
  
  
  “As warming as this is to the cold atmosphere of our sorry lives, I have to say, unless you have beer or any other form of an alcoholic drink, I’m going to be forced to ask you to move this sickening love fest elsewhere before I puke unicorns and rainbows all over Louis’ nice carpet.” Ondine sighed. Louis, Zayn, and Niall all turned their attention to the drunk girl splayed on Louis sofa tossing a glass bottle in the air. “Shit!” She exclaimed and hopped up, peering over the edge of the sofa, “How many times can that thing drop before it finally busts?”  
  
  “This is my apartment.” Louis reminded her, and yeah, that’s definitely where all the wine went.   
  
  
  “I have beer.” Zayn said.   
  
  
  “Come in! Come in! No use freezing your knickers off in the cold, eh?” Ondine smiled lopsidedly and Louis rolled his eyes but invited the beer bringing boys in anyways.   
  
  
-  
  
  Five beers each into their reunion and one frozen pizza later, Ondine isn’t as hostile and Louis isn’t as sad but they both wish that Niall and Zayn had brought some tequila because the flattening beer just wasn’t doing it for them right now. “Where’s Liam?” Louis asked finally, and if he was scared to hear the answer, no one knew.   
  
  
  “Somewhere off the radar with Danielle in Malibu,” Niall shrugged, frowning, “He hasn’t called us in a while. I hope he isn’t dead.”   
  
  
  “He’s not dead, you wanker. He’s _living_.” Zayn butted in and Ondine nodded her head slowly.   
  
  
  “That was deep.”   
  
  
  “Oh.” Was all Louis said, because even though it was probably true, he couldn’t help but feel betrayed, like Liam had actually ditched them for Harry and wasn’t running on the beach in slow motion with the dancer.   
  
  
  “Operation L.B.A.M.T.S.I.T.T.M.” Ondine announced.   
  
  
  Before anyone can ask any questions or wait for Ondine to elaborate on her sudden outburst, she continues on another trail of thought, “Zayn.” She says once, grabbing his shoulder and pulling him closer to her. Louis doesn’t fail to notice the blooming blush the flashes on his face, “Niall. We need more alcohol.”   
  
  
  “We still have like, 6 bottles of beer and you’re still really drunk.” Louis butts in because pretty girls make drunk boys stupid and all Niall and Zayn had done was nod their heads.   
  
  
  “Not nearly drunk enough, Love. We need something stronger. Be dolls boys, and get on my good side.” It wasn’t a question.   
  
  
    
  “What’s L.B.A.M.T.S.I.T.T.M?” Louis asked, grabbing Zayn and Niall by the collar of their shirts and tossing them back onto the sofa when they stood to leave. “No, what is the plan.”  
  
  
  “What plan?” Niall asks.   
  
  
  “The plan L.B.A.M.T.S.I.T.T.M. You guys would know about it if I had a nice glass of vodka.” Ondine said, pushing Niall and Zayn up again, “Now, mush!”   
  
  
  They didn’t have to be asked twice, and before Louis could grab them by the collar of their low cut shirts and slap some sense into them and just keep them by his side because he just got them back, they were out the door, slumped on each other in a sorry attempt to keep the other up but only managing to make walking nearly impossible.   
  
  
  “You have enough fucking alcohol, Ondine. Why would you do that?” Louis snapped at her and Ondine slowly turned her head and looked at Louis like a confused puppy. “It’s freezing outside and they just got here.”  
  
  
  “You’re right.” She sighed, and flicked a piece of hair from her eye in a less than graceful way, sticking her hand between the cushions of the sofa, grunting as she dug her hand deeper and deeper into the crack of Louis’ couch.   
  
  
  “The remote is right here.”  
  
  
  “No, I know. I’m drunk, not blind Louis.” She pulled her hand out and scooted to the other end of the sofa, sticking her hand back in, eyes lighting up. “I do have enough alcohol.” She smiled brightly, proudly revealing a clear glass bottle.   
  
  
  “What the hell…” Louis trailed off, snatching the bottle from her hands and inspecting it, “How the fuck did that even… When did you… How did I not notice? This thing is massive.”  
  
  
  “The reason.” Ondine stressed, taking the bottle back and tossing it to the side, “That I sent the dogs out is because I needed to talk to you about L.B.A.M.T.S.I.T.T.M  before I spoke another word of it to the prying ears of our -your- strayed friends.” Louis looked at her, “What were we talking about before Louis.” She asked, frustrated.   
  
  
  Louis furrowed his eyebrows, “Alcohol?”   
  
  
  “No.”  
  
  
  “Modeling?”   
  
  
  “Bingo!” She yelled, “L.B.A.M.T.S.I.T.T.M. ‘Louis becomes a model to stick it to the man.’”  
  
  
  Louis began shaking his head frantically, “No. No, no. No.”   
  
  
  
  “Why not!? It’s perfect. Picture this, you become the one that got away, shove your looks and your ass in that curly haired face -not like that-. I could help you, I have it all planned.” She paused, “Well, actually. I only have the beginning planned, getting you into the spotlight. We’ll go from there.” She smirked, “A proper beauty queen you’ll be. Your face on every screen.”  
  
  
  Louis bit his lip unsurely, picturing it in his head. His face plastered on the magazines Harry sees everytime he goes out, on billboards, silver TV screens. A proper beauty queen. Maybe Harry will buy one of those magazines even though his girlfriend is on the magazine right next to his. Maybe he’ll swerve his car on the highway because his head is crammed up and there’s memories clouding his vision. Maybe he’ll tune in on something Louis is featured on and turn up the volume up. Maybe he’ll cry. Maybe he’ll stay up late at night planning ways to get Louis back the same way Louis did for him. Maybe he’ll call Louis up out of the blue, words slurred, and maybe Louis will hang up. Maybe Louis will make Harry hurt as much as he did.   
  
  
  “Maybe.” Louis stated, “That’s the best idea you’ve had yet.”  
  
  
  Ondine’s eyebrows shot up, “Really?” She squeaked, Louis laughed, “I mean, of course it is. I’m a genius” She corrected and reached over, taking the bottle up and downing 3 mouthfuls. “Shall we tell the mutts?” She pondered, Louis nodded.   
  
  
  “I think we shall.” Louis could see it now.


	3. Chapter 3 - Catch Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ondine and Louis convince Zayn and Niall to aid them in Operation L.B.A.M.T.S.I.T.T.M.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so overdue. xx

  When Niall and Zayn stumbled back in Louis’ apartment after operation L.B.A.M.T.S.I.T.T.M had been partly explained to Louis, it’s with flushed cheeks and wide eyes. Their fingers are curled tightly around plastic bags and were quickly losing feeling. Niall was curled up under the arm of Zayn, tucked between his body and the cool, worn leather jacket that Zayn refused to get rid of even though the seams were straining. “Only because you nipples look like pellets in your shirt, mate.”  
  
  
  They stumbled over each other in their haste to throw open the apartment door and warm up their quickly freezing limbs. Niall reached the door before Zayn, tearing from under his arm and making a mad dash towards the golden knob. “Fuck!” He blurted, nearly falling head first into the apartment if it weren’t for Zayn who quickly reached out and grabbed him by the back of the shirt, standing him up right.   
  
  
  Louis quickly capped the alcohol he had previously been nursing and shoved it back in between the cushions of the couch, not nearly as discreet as it had been when Ondine placed it there but after throwing his body on top of it, the only person who could know it was there was Louis. And Ondine who snickered at him.  
  
  
  “It’s bloody freezing out there,  On!” Niall exclaimed, plopping down on the couch next to Louis after tossing the bag in Ondine’s lap. Niall threw his legs over Louis’ and Louis couldn’t help but think this is how it should have always been. But it wasn’t, obviously.   
  
  
  Zayn strolled into the room stiffly, legs moving twitchily like the joints of his knees had frozen slightly. He unbagged the liquor and threw the empty bag into the trash bin by the arm are the sofa, cracking his back before dropping down halfway on Ondine’s lap. Her cheeks were visibly flaming as she quickly pushed him off. Zayn didn’t react to the rejection, instead opting for throwing an arm around her shoulder and smiling smugly at her. “You could have at least tossed us our keys.”  
  
  
  Ondine narrowed her eyes and removed his arm, scooting away from Zayn and pulling the keys out of her back pocket, tossing them to Niall who only let them fly right past his head. “You were drunk, you twat. Got a death wish?” She snapped, Zayn simply shrugged and hugged the bottle close to his chest.   
  
  
  Louis looked pointedly at Ondine who sent him a quick nod. She cleared her throat obnoxiously and stood quickly while Louis shifted in his seat, playing with his thumbs. “Okay boys, Lou and I have a proposal for you.” Zayn and Niall looked up at Ondine quizzically as she poured them drinks, hoping the looser they are the easier they agree. “Hit it Lou.”   
  
  
  Louis swallowed past the lump in his throat as the eyes of his two former best friends quickly snapped towards him. “Well,” he began, pushing Niall’s legs off his and standing like a presenter getting ready to teach a class, “As you guys so, um, clearly know. Me and Harry had a falling out some months ago.” He paused when Niall and Zayn went rigid in their seats, Niall downed his drink and Zayn’s leg began bouncing.   
  
  
  Louis’ thoughts were beginning to get tangled up, the lump in his throat bumped down to his chest. His heart was just one big jumbled up mess and who were these people again? Were they the same people he knew before Harry up and left with such little explanation? Did they have the new number that Louis didn’t? The one they could call that would actually lead to Harry’s voice, or hell, at least his fucking voicemail. Did they know why Harry did it, why Harry walked out on him? Louis had to know, they had to know fucking something.   
  
  
  “I’m sorry.” Louis blurted out, Ondine looked at him confusedly, face almost identical to Zayn and Nialls. “But, have you talked to Harry? Like, at all, after… you know?”   
  
  
  Zayn and Niall glanced at each other nervously and Louis felt a flare of something in his chest. Anger? Betrayal? He didn’t know.   
  
  
  Niall was the first one to speak up. “Um, yeah.” He admitted quietly and Louis could almost feel his heart shatter all over again, but no. He was better than that, stronger than that. “He called me about a week after he took off. He didn’t - uh - he didn’t say much about, why.” Niall’s voice squeaked a bit and Zayn filled the silence.   
  
  
  “He didn’t say much at all.” Zayn continued, “Really secretive.”   
  
  
  “When was the last time? You talked to him?”  
  
  
  Zayn paused, looking at Louis who was shaking where he stood. “About a week ago.” He said softly.   
  
  
  Louis nodded slowly, “Has he uh, has he ever. Asked about me?”   
  
  
  The room was silent for a while. The only thing Louis could hear were the loud thump thump thumps of his heart in his chest and the faint tick tocks from the clock that hung on the wall. Zayn coughed into his fist, “No.”  
  
  
  Or maybe Louis wasn't strong enough. Louis nodded and pasted a smile on his face that no one believed. “Oh.” He whispered, and before he could ask anything more, Ondine interrupted.   
  
  
  “Lou, how about we just talk about him in the morning. I’m sure Niall and Zayn will be more than willing to tell you anything and everything they know about the situation.” Her bright blue eyes had dulled and her mouth was turned up in a tight smile. She placed one of her hands on each of the boy’s shoulders and squeezed, her stormy eyes contradicting her curved lips, _warning_.   
  
  
  Niall and Zayn both nodded frantically, “Yeah, anything Lou. We promise.” Niall said.   
  
  
  “We just want you to be happy.” Zayn added, and even with the threatening force standing between them their statements seemed genuine and Louis could live with that.   
  
  
  “Yeah.” Louis said, then remembered why he stood up in the first place. “Anyways.” His voice was strained but the boys were paying close enough attention that Louis knew they would be able to latch onto and comprehend everything he said. Ondine’s hands were still resting on them, lightly now but still there.   
  
  
  Louis fiddled with his bare ring finger, “Ondine has come up with a plan.”  
  
  
  “Operation L.B.A.M.T.S.I.T.T.M.”   
  
  
  “Yeah, what is that?” Niall butted in. Louis dropped his hands to his sides and sighed heavily.   
  
  
  “That’s what I’m getting to.” Louis snapped, Niall’s mouth shut and Ondine looked only slightly put off. He sighed, “Operation L.B.A.M.T.S.I.T.T.M. ‘Louis becomes a model to stick it to the man.’” Louis rushed out in one breath. Zayn’s eyebrows shot up and Niall shifted in his seat. Ondine looked smug.   
  
  
  “Tell me that’s not what I think it is.” Zayn said.   
  
  
  “Let me explain.” Louis began, “Ondine came up with a brilliant plan, really. We just haven’t gotten all the kinks worked out and we could kind of use your help.” Louis looked to Ondine for help when he saw that their friends faces were hesitant. She heaved herself up from the couch and stood next to Louis after grabbing her red cup from the table.   
  
  
  “Louis here,” She threw an arm around her shoulder. “Has been hurting, as you all well know. Correct?” She asked, Niall and Zayn nodded their heads.   
  
  
  “I’ve partially developed a scheme to not only gain the beautiful Lou here some rightfully deserved spotlight, but to also show he-who-shall-not-be-named just what he fucked out on.” She paused and sipped from her cup, “The point here is that Lou and I know we can’t do it on our own. More brains, more game, yeah?” She asked.   
  
  
  The gears in Zayn’s head seemed to be turning and Niall was sitting completely still in his seat. “What are you trying to say? You want to sabotage Harry’s happiness?” Niall asked slowly.   
  
  
  All heads in the room snapped towards him, “His happiness?” Louis accused, “What the fuck do you think he did to mine? Put it up on a pedestal? Cherished it? Fuck no! He drug it through miles of horse manure, so don’t you dare say a thing about his damn happiness when mine still smells like shit.”  
  
  
  “I mean-”  
  
  
  “Louis is right, Niall.” Zayn said, Niall looked at Zayn with widened eyes that held more questions than before. “Harry’s a right dick, to us too!” Zayn nearly shouted, standing on swaying legs to join Ondine and Louis. “He basically erased us from his life aside from those half assed attempts at conversations. Hell, do you even know how many tattoos he has now?”  
  
  
  Niall twiddled with his thumbs. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea, Zayn." He said pointedly, sending him a look "I mean, yeah Harry’s a dick, but wouldn’t we be too if we hurt him like that?”   
  
  
  Louis’s head started turning. Would he be just the same as Harry?  
  
  
  No, never.   
  
  
  “No.” Louis said, “How can he be hurt by me trying to make a name for myself? I deserve to live my life too, right?” Louis took deep breaths, “I just-” His legs felt creaky, “I’m just so fucking hurt, you know Niall?” He questioned, Niall looked at him sadly, “I am so fucking hurt, I just need to feel a little better and I really think this can do it.”   
  
  
  Niall worried his bottom lip before nodding his head slowly, Louis still felt like shit. “Okay.”  
  
  
  “What was that?” Ondine grinned.   
  
  
  Niall smirked, “Let’s put Louis’ ass on every billboard and magazine that will take him.”  
  
-  
  
  “So what is the plan you have so far, On? The start off?” Louis asked around his dry throat.   
  
  
  “Well I have this up coming fashion show and I figured Louis could accompany me to it.” She announced, “I could chat him up to anyone and everyone who matters and he can get a glimpse of what he’s going to be working at. You know, see if he really wants to do it.”   
  
  
  “That’s your big launcher?” Zayn snickered. Ondine poured her drink on his crotch and he hissed at her.   
  
  
  “You have anything better, pee boy?”   
  
  
  “No.” He wiped at his wet pants and Ondine grinned madly.   
  
  
-  
  
  
  Louis looked at the mass of bodies crowding on his sofa. He sat in the corner fiddling with his bare ring finger and keeping his eyes open, every time he closed them he saw Harry. Harry the first time he met him, Harry the first time he kissed him, Harry Harry Harry, and Louis just couldn’t deal with that. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Niall had said. Louis was trying to hurt Harry, no question about that, Harry deserved it. But would that make him just as bad as Harry? Would that say more about what kind of person Louis was rather than amplify what Harry was? Louis ran a hand through his hair and dropped his head between his knees.   
  
  
  
  
_‘The number you have dialed is not in service. Please hang up and try again’ Try again, try again, try again._   
  
  
_**“I just can’t do this anymore, Louis.”**_  
  
  
   _‘Please hang up and try again.’_  
  
  
  
  
  No, Louis was  nothing like Harry.   
  
  
  Louis stood and stumbled onto the pile of bodies, shuffling in next to Niall who instantly wrapped his arms around his waist. Louis closed his eyes and let the tears sting the backs of his eyelids.   
  
  
_Beauty queen, your face on every screen._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably going to take a long time to finish.


	4. Chapter 4 - Early Bird Gets the Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ondine, Louis, and the boys catch up the best they can and Niall receives a strange phone call from Liam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm absolutely horrible at updating. 
> 
> Sorry for this mess of disappointment.

  Orange light trickled in through the cracks in Louis’ aging white curtains. Rectangles of light peaked on the floor, flooding up onto the sofa and directly into Louis’ eyes. He groaned and turned his head away, the light seeming to follow. He sighed , slowly opening his eyes and looking around. His head was throbbing and he could smell the sourness of his mouth even with it closed, or was that his mouth? Louis wasn’t sure. His leg had pins and needles from where Ondine was partially sitting on it and Niall had his head resting heavily on his shoulder. He ran his free hand down his face and carefully slipped his trapped foot out from underneath Ondine’s thigh and placed Niall’s head on the sofas arm.   
  
  
  He slowly placed his feet on the ground and stood up shakily, immediately throwing his hands above his head and cracking his back. “Gross.” Someone slurred. Louis quirked an eyebrow and turned around to see Ondine looking at him through her slitted eyelids, tucked up under Zayn’s arm. Louis looked from her to Zayn.   
  
  
  “Gross.” He whispered back, not wanting to break the quietness of the new day. Ondine smiled and stuck her tongue out childishly before hiding her face in Zayn’s side. Louis chuckled at the pair, thinking back to the time when that was he and Harry. Curled up together on early mornings like this, one on top of the other, breathing in the others air. Waking up bleary eyed with dopey smiles plastered onto their faces while the other boys sat around making obnoxious gagging noises.   
  
  
  Louis is only slightly bitter when he turns his back on the pair and walks into the bathroom, stripping down and washing away the stench of yesterday.   
  
  
-  
  
  
  When Louis emerges from the bathroom pink skinned and bright eyed, he is met face to face with a powdered Ondine. The white substance covers her nearly entirely, clumped in her hair and eyelashes, it looks like a dough boy came on her. “What the hell Ondine! Personal space.” Louis shouted, trying to step around the white girl. “What happened to you?” He asked, stepping out into the hallway with the towel clutched lightly around his body.   
  
  
  She brought a hand up to her face and tried to clear her eyes, only managing to get the powder from her hands on her eyes, she groaned and threw the bathroom door open. “You’ve been in there for bloody ever!” She says, “Niall does not know how to cook for fucks sake.” She screamed, then slammed the door in Louis’ face. Louis’s eye widened. Niall is in his kitchen. Cooking???.   
  
   
  Louis tightened his grip on his towel and sprinted down the hall and into the disaster that was once his kitchen.   
  
  
 The white powder that was layered on Ondine’s skin was also dusted across every surface in the room. Louis’s previously dark marble counter tops were gray and accompanied by several hand prints. Gathered in the middle of the desert of what Louis assumed was pancake mix was a large mountain of slightly pink paste that had several large unidentifiable chunks protruding from it.   
  
  
  Louis stepped further into the kitchen and felt the heel of his foot smoosh something that felt horribly similar to the mucus of a sick child. He screeched and jumped up, looking down and wiping his foot on the white carpet behind him. “Fucker!” He shouted as he watched the yellow yoke seep in between the fibers. “Niall Horan, what the hell.”  
  
  
  He heard a pan drop and his head snapped up quickly to see Niall stood in the center of his kitchen, miraculously clean of mix, a makeshift chef’s hat nestled into his brown hair. His wide blue eyes looked at Louis in horror. “It wasn’t me!”   
  
  
   Louis raised and eyebrow and hiked his towel up further on his hips. “Then who was it Horan, definitely not Casper!” He glanced around, “Then again…”  
  
  
  “No Lou, I swear on my Great Grandmothers grave this wasn't me.” He held his hands up as if to surrender, a shiny spatula hanging loosely from his fingers. “It was him.” He pointed with his free hand to Louis’ once clean stove.   
  
  
  Louis followed his finger and groaned at the snow white Zayn who clutched an empty bag of pancake mix. His blush was visible through the powder. He wiped at his clothing uselessly and shrugged his shoulders, sheepishly walking to the waste bin and tossing the bag into it. “Blame Ondine.” He muttered.   
  
  
  Louis rolled his eyes and grabbed his shoulders, “Just know that I will not be cleaning this disaster up on my own.”   
  
  
-  
  
  
  The not so easy start to the day was saved when Ondine emerged from the bathroom in one of Louis’ larger shirts and a pair of his boxer shorts and padded her way down the hall and into the once messy kitchen.   
  
  
  “Wow boys.” She smirked at them. Louis, Niall, and Zayn were on their hands and knees, trousers hiked up to their thighs, knees and palms red and wet from the soapy water. She almost felt guilty for having caused this, she didn't think Zayn would get so crazy with the mix. She walked until her toes met the edge of the wet tile, "Quite the cleaning crew you've got going here, Lou. Do you charge by the hour or...?" She teased and smiled widely at Louis who crammed his neck into an awkward position to glare at her.   
  
  
   "Oh hush up Ondine." He snapped, throwing a sponge into a cloudy bucket of water, standing up. "Zayn told me this was your idea. How could you?" Ondine looked briefly to Zayn to find him already staring at her. She ignored the heat creeping it's way up her neck and walked over to the sofa, sitting down.   
  
  
   "Blame him then if you know the whole bloody story." She muttered, "It was just a little bit of mix on the nose. He's the one who decided to make me Caspar the ghost." It was true. Not soon after Louis left her curled up under Zayn's arm, Zayn uttered incoherent words before finally becoming conscious. She had bitten her lip and tried to swallow down her disappointment when he quickly pulled away from her and apologized under his breath. _James._ She had to remind herself. To crush the suddenly awkward atomsphere she suggested strawberry pancakes which also brought Niall out of his coma with a jolt.  
  
  
    It's just that he looked so cute in the chefs hat the barely fit onto his messy bed hair. Sofa hair? She doesn't know. The bottom line is he looked cute, and so did he nose. She didn't think it'd turn into an all out food war, Niall yelling at them to stop.  
  
  
        “I blame both of you bloody idiots.” Louis yelled, drying his knees with a near by wash towel. “Just know that you won’t be let off the hook, you’re cleaning the rest.”   
  
  
  “Yeah, I didn’t do anything, I don’t even see why we’re doing this Lou. It was all Zayn and Ondine.” Niall whined, standing up alongside Louis after grabbing a banana he had previously dusted off, peeling and biting into it. Ondine rolled her eyes and jutted her hip out to the side in an exaggerated manner.   
  
  
  “Excuse me, but if I remember correctly, all I did was a little mix on the nose. I’m not the one who decided to set off the flour bomb.”  
  
  
  “Whatever.” Louis dismissed, sending a look over to Zayn who only blushed and ducked his head. “I’m done. The state of my kitchen lies in your hands. I’m not the one that cooks in it. Remember that.” He spoke, then wrapped his arm around Niall’s and tugged him into the living room, leaving Ondine and Zayn in the kitchen.   
  
  
  “You ratted me out.” She accused, Zayn offered her a small smile.   
  
    
  “Actually that was Niall.” He informed her, “My lips were sealed.”  
  
  
  Ondine smiled at him briefly before looking away quickly and trying to keep that butterflies in her stomach at bay. She remembers now why she had always had a certain distaste for being with Zayn, he makes her feel things she’s only supposed to feel for James.   
  
  
  Zayn cleared his throat and dusted at his pants, the awkward atmosphere painfully apparent with just the two of them. “Well-”  
  
  
  _A moment, a love, a kiss, a cry-_  
  
  
  Ondine snapped her head up and looked at Zayn questioningly. “Isn’t that Har-”  
  
  
  “No.” Zayn cut Ondine off quickly, hand fumbling for his phone which was lodged into the front pocket of his skinny jeans. He cursed silently when the phone nearly fell to the ground. He tightened his grip quickly, however, and declined the call without so much as a glance at the caller ID.  
  
  
  Ondine felt her face fluster with an angry blush. “Who was it, Zayn?” She pressed on.   
  
  
  “Wrong number.” He dismissed quickly. Sitting the phone on the counter with a click that was almost deafening in the suddenly too quiet kitchen. Ondine knew he was lying to her. Him and her both knew who was on the other end of the call. Ondine remembers Harry, as much as she would like to shout to the heavens that Harry Styles is someone who can be forgotten after a few short months, it’s simply not true. Harry was memorable, Harry was her friend.  
  
  
  She can recall all the times James’ phone would sound with the same ringtone, Harry on the other end chatting amiably about  what he and Louis had done that day or updating James on his mother. Harry programmed that ringtone into all their phones.   
  
  
  Ondine narrowed her eyes at Zayn and pushed all thoughts of Harry away. “I hope you know what you’re doing, Malik.” She warned before spinning on her heels and exiting the kitchen, butterflies dead.   
  
  
-  
  
  
  Louis and Niall were chatting quietly, the telly on at a low volume for background noise, when Ondine walked in sluggishly. Niall looked at her curiously before scooting over to make room for her on the couch. “Hey there Mrs. Grumpy, what’d you do with sunshine?”  He teased. Ondine looked at him out of the corner of her eye before a smile quickly melted onto her face.  
  
  
  “Temporary cloud block, I’m right here.” She laughed too loud and Louis almost covered his ears, he looked at her cautiously.   
  
  
  “You sure it’s not a rainy day?” Louis inquired. Ondine stopped laughing and nodded her head.   
  
  
  “Yeah. Just temporary cloud block.”  
  
  
  “Zayn!” Niall exclaimed, all eyes turned to him and Louis fought down the suspicious feeling. Zayn walked into the room slowly and avoided eye contact with everyone except Niall. He smiled at him and sat down in the separate seat closest to the TV.  
  
  
  “Niall!” Zayn said, mimicking Niall’s excitement. Louis still felt uneasy, something was off.   
  
  
  Conversation died off briefly, each of them getting lost in a world the others weren’t included in. Niall and Zayn seemed to be communicating with their eyes and Ondine was curled over herself, twiddling with her thumbs.   
  
  
  “So.” He said loudly, gaining all attention, “How are you guys? How’s Perrie, Zayn?” Louis asked, looking at Zayn expectantly.   
  
  
  Zayn shifted in his seat and looked at his phone once more before giving his answer. “We actually broke up a week ago.”  
  
  
  Louis’ eyes widened and Ondine kept her head down. “Really? Oh mate, I’m sorry to hear that.” _I thought things were going good_. Was what Louis wanted to say but how could he when the last time he heard anything about the pair was the day before Harry left.   
  
  
  “It’s fine.” Zayn reassured weakly. “It was a mutual thing. The feeling just weren’t… there anymore. Not like before.” Louis nodded like he understood but he really didn’t. The only break up he knew was with Harry and that was hardly mutual.   
  
  
  “I’m still sorry.” Louis insisted and Zayn smiled at him like he was thanking him and didn’t say anything else.   
  
  
  “How about you Niall?” Ondine spoke up.   
  
  
  Niall smiled widely at her, “I’ve actually been really great! I just got back from a visit back home. It was really nice seeing my family and the country. Sometimes I forget how much I miss it.”  
  
  
  “And your Nephew, he’s doing good?”  
  
  
  He nodded enthusiastically and pulled his phone out. “Better than okay, he’s actually just starting to toddle around the house.” He  unlocked it and pulled up a picture of him and Theo, presenting it to Louis and Ondine. “Just in time too, now he can really put the new shoes I buy him to use.” He babbled, continuing to show off his Nephew. “Ornery little bugger though, doesn’t seem to want to keep his shirts on.”  
  
  
  Louis and Ondine cooed over Theo and asked more questions about his trip until they knew every single detail of it. “That’s really great Niall. Reminds me I probably need to take a trip back to Doncaster, see my family.”   
  
  
  “It’s what keeps you grounded, mate. I think it’d do you good.” His phone started to ring. “Sorry, one second.”  
  
  
  He looked at the caller ID and his eyes widened slightly. “It’s Liam.” He announced, answering it as Louis muted the TV. “Hey, Mate! How’s Malibu and Dani?”  
  
  
 _It- It’s good Niall. That’s not why I’m calling though._  
  
  
  Liam’s voice sounded urgent and Niall instantly straightened in his seat. “Liam? Are you okay.”  
  
  
 _It’s about Harry._   
  
  
  Louis’ heart was beating a mile a minute, Harry. Niall looked at Louis and stood to leave the room but Louis grabbed his sleeve, pulling him back down. “Let me talk to him.”  
  
  
  Niall looked at Louis pityingly and Louis felt an angry blush crawl up his neck. “I don’t think that’s the best idea.”   
  
  
  “Give me the fucking phone Niall.” Louis growled out, Niall handed him the phone and looked at Zayn worriedly. Ondine leaned closer to Louis so she could hear the other end.   
  
  
  “Liam.”   Louis said, he was quiet on the line and Louis feared he had already hung up on him. There was a shuddery breath.  
  
  
  “Louis?” Liam whispered disbelievingly.   
  
  
  “Is Harry okay?” Was the only thing Louis could think to say.   
  
  
  Liam was quiet again.   
  
  
_He’s… fine._   
  
  
  “Do you know where he is?”  
  
  
 _I- I can’t tell you Lou._  
  
  
  Louis bit his lip hard, the copper taste filling his mouth. Harry told Liam but not you.  
  
  
  _I just, Louis it wasn’t his fault._   
  
  
  “Excuse me.” Ondine and Louis bit at the same time. “Not his fucking fault.”  
  
  
 _You don’t understand-_  
  
  
  “Then explain it to me. Spell it out because I don’t understand how it could be anyone elses fault but Harrys. Was she so intoxicating that he forgot about his fucking boyfriend? Or was it just the fact the she wasn’t me that made him lead her to our bed?”  
  
  
 _Louis- I’m sorry. I- it’s not for me to tell._  
  
  
  “Everyone keeps fucking telling me that!” Louis shouts, everything was silent aside from the drum beat of his heart. “‘I can’t tell you’ ‘It’s not my place’” He mocked, “Why won’t anyone tell me.”  
  
  
  No one answered.   
  
  
  “Fuck!” He screamed, Niall gently took the phone from Louis and wrapped him in his arms. He clutched the fabric of Niall’s shirt and sobbed into his chest. Niall rubbed his back and rocked their bodies back and forth. **  
  
  
**_Maybe Louis lied, maybe he does want to hurt Harry, because no matter what he does, it will never equal up to what Harry did to him._ **  
  
**  
  Ondine refused to look at Zayn.   
  
  
-  
  
  
  After the phone call from Liam, Louis had quickly cried himself out. Ondine was grateful when Niall offered to carry him to bed.   
  
  
  Her phone kept ringing with phone calls from James but she ignored every single one of them, eventually just shutting her phone off.   
  
  
  Zayn pointedly ignored her. She sighed heavily and he looked at her quickly before focusing back on the TV.   
  
  
  “What do you know Zayn?” She asked, he didn’t reply.   
  
  
  She focused on the TV, eyes glazing over with tears that burned like salty ocean water. “I really do hope you know what you’re dealing with.” This time it wasn’t a threat.   
**  
  
**_When did things get so hard?_ **  
** **  
** ****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good New! Summer is coming which means more updates! 
> 
> Feel free to follow me on Tumblr! http://sinkingwithlife.tumblr.com/


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ondine meets James for the first time in a week and not everything goes smoothly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****This chapter is just a small chapter mostly from Ondines POV and I'm only posting it so you guys know I'm not dead and I'm trying my best to do regular updates.... I really hope this isn't shit.************
> 
> -Axx

  “Ondine Percy Middleston, I swear to whatever Holy Spirit exists, if you don’t close those blinds I’m going to- I’m going to... do something you don’t want me to do that’s probably really horrible.” Odine opened the blinds further and Louis shielded his eyes, glaring at her from the spaces between his fingers. And just- great. He didn’t want to see how much he needed to clean. “Ondine please, just a few more hours of sleep.” He mumbled, turning his head into the pillow case. She walked over to his bedside and poked at his arm before sitting on his torso. “I have three days to not be up this early.”  
  
  
  “Three days to prepare.” She corrected him. “You’re not just going to show up to a high-end fashion show with Model 1 looking like.” She gestured to him with a wave of her hand, “Well- you know.”  
  
  
  He pushed Ondine off of his midsection and pulled his body up so he was resting his back against the headboard. He folded his arms over his chest and sent her a dirty look. “No Ondine. I don’t know.”  
  
  
  She sighed, “Louis you haven’t bathed for at least a week, there’s stubble on your face, not the nice kind don’t try to fool yourself, and I mean- Just look at this room! Is this a bedroom or a fucking pig sty?” She laughed loudly and Louis groaned and hid back under the covers. She shook his shoulder gently but he remained hidden. “But that’s not why I’ve gotten you up this early.” She waited for Louis to ask her, but he stayed silent. “I’m going to be leaving you for a bit.”   
  
  
   Louis perked up. She was leaving? Ondine hadn’t left Louis’ apartment since Liam called. “You’re- leaving?”  
  
  
  “Yeah.” She said, standing and fixing her blouse. Louis looked at her for the first time since she entered the room. Her usual messy brown hair was done up in a high ponytail, on her cheeks there was a light dusting of blush. And she had a blouse on, a flowery blouse and those tight blue skinny jeans she only wears when she’s trying to impress someone. And heels. She was wearing heels on a Wednesday.   
  
  
  “I won’t be long though.” She reassured, Louis quirked an eyebrow at her. “I’m just going to go handle something, I’ll be back in no time.”  
  
  
  “Are you meeting someone?” He asked, Ondine shrugged her shoulders.   
  
  
  “Yeah, I suppose.” She chirped, “Who, doesn’t matter.” She walked over to him and pecked his cheek quickly before walking out the door, heels echoing against the hardwood floor. He settled back into the sheets of his bed.   
  
  
  “Oh, yeah!” Ondine yelled, popping her head back in the doorway. Louis groaned in response. “Niall should be here soon to spend the day with you.”   
  
  
  “You know I can take care of myself for one fucking day!” He shouted after her, but she didn’t listen to him. The only reply he received was the door shutting.   
  
  
  He looked around his room, “It’s a pigsty. Not a bedroom.” He said, defeated, before throwing the covers off his body and marching into the kitchen, knowing that that would be the first place Niall would check when he walked into his flat.   
  
  
-  
  
  
 Ondine looked out at the bustling coffee shop from behind her black Ray Bans that were maybe a little too big for her slender face. It was hot out and although she was still in the cool air conditioning of her car, her seat belt buckle burned her skin whenever she moved her arm to check the time on her phone. The end of her hair tickled the base of her neck and made it itch or maybe that was just the nerves. Was she sweating?  
  
  
  She looked over the crowd again and waited to catch a glimpse of James’s messy black hair, her breath hitching every time she saw someone that looked like him, it wasn’t though. She was tempted to send a text to him and ask him what was taking him so fucking long, but she’s ignored him for a week and if he didn’t show up, she’d have a further excuse to ignore him for one more.   
  
  
  She reached for her phone and hissed when her arm touched the seat belt again. “Fucking hell.” She muttered, tucking it between the seat and then unlocking her phone and searching for Niall’s contact. She picked at the flaking nail polish on her pinkie before typing out a quick message.   
  
  
**To: Niall**  
 **From: Ondine**  
 **11:56am**   
  
_R u at Lou’s? If he’s not out of bed yet, pour something on him._   
  
  
**To: Ondine**  
 **From: Niall**  
 **12:00pm**  
  
 _Got here a bit after u left.. He’s out of bed but hes not happy bout it._  
  
  
 **To: Niall**  
 **From: Ondine**  
 **12:01pm**  
  
 _Fix him up a bit will ya. And make him clean his room_  
  
  
 **To: Ondine**  
 **From: Niall**  
 **12:04pm**  
  
 _Okay mum._   
  
  
  “Ondine?” Someone tapped on the car window twice and she startled. James peered in through the window and she let out a shaky breath. She went to roll the window down but thought better of it and opened the car door instead, stepping out and pushing her glasses up on the bridge of her nose.   
  
  
  “Oh hey James. I- I um, just got here.” She was lying through her teeth. She’s been waiting here for 30 minutes listening to Marvin Gaye songs on repeat in the car, but now isn’t the time to confess that.   
  
  
  James flashed her a smile and went in to hug her, she tensed and fell awkwardly into his arms. He didn’t seem to notice though, only holding her tighter. Maybe a little too tight.   
  
  
  “You look great.” He complimented. She smiled at him quickly and he reached for her hand. She pretended not to notice him, reaching into the car and grabbing her purse, occupying one hand with the strap of her back and the other with her phone. James’s face fell and she pretended not to notice that too. All she could picture was the hurt on Louis’ face and the way her heart seemed to beat mercilessly against the walls of her chest when she was yelling at him over the phone. She attempted to blink everything away.   
  
  
  “Should we go in then?” She asked as smoothly as she could.   
  
  
  James nodded quickly, “Yeah, yeah. Let’s go in.”   
  
  
-  
  
  
  “No really, it’s fine James. I can pay for my own drink.” She protested, pulling out her wallet, searching for a ten. James placed his hand on hers and stopped her. She glared up at him but he ignored her, handing over cash to pay for both their drinks.   
  
  
  “Just let me do this for you, okay?” He asked, sending her a side glance before smiling brightly at the barista who took the cash all the same. Opening the register and popping the money in before handing their drinks over boredly.   
  
  
  “Have a nice day, you two.” She chirped at them with false enthusiasm. They both sent polite smiles and walked away from the counter, standing in the middle of the shop and glancing around.   
  
  
  James turned to her and raised his brows slightly, “Well, any preferences? I think there’s seats outside also. Do you want to sit in your favorite spot, or is that even still your favorite. You haven’t spoken to me for a week.”   
  
  
  “Stop James.” She said, all the emotions from a week ago suddenly rushing back. She did her best to suppress them though, she would be civilized. For the sake of her relationship. Though she was beginning to question if it was even worth it. “Outside is fine.”  
  
  
  “Right.” he sighed, “Outside.” She gripped her drink in her hand a little tighter when James placed a hand on the small of her back and weaved them around tables to the back exit which led to a small garden with wire chairs and tables. Ondine looked down at her feet as James led her to a corner table, she tried her best to relax into his touch and just managed to do so when his hand left her and she dropped herself into a chair he had pulled out for her.   
  
  
  “Thank you.” She mumbled, setting her drink down onto the table and checking her phone, no new texts.   
  
  
  “Mhm.” James’s chair scraped against the cobblestone as he pulled it out and sat across from her.   
  
  
  He didn’t say anything and she didn’t either, not quite sure what to fill the silence with. There was a week of tension hanging heavily in the air and neither of them knew how to slice through it. “I missed you.” Or you could always go around it.   
  
  
She gapes at him with wide eyes. She can’t even say for sure if she missed him, she was the one that ignored his calls and felt nothing. She’s the one who probably blew this whole situation way out of proportion, effectively putting them on a one sided one week break.  “Yeah..” She said, and let it hang in the air, sent it straight up so it could mingle with everything else. She traced her finger over the rim of her coffee cup, wiping away her lipstick stain. She looked at and saw he was staring at her, waiting for her to continue. She couldn’t though, the lump in her throat was much too big.   
  
  
  “Are you okay Ondine? You don’t look very well..”   
  
  
  She could feel her heart beating too fast, she looked at James again and his eyebrows were tilted in too much and the frown on his face was too strained. He was masking his concern. Did she even know James at all? The James she knew would never hide something so big from her. The James she knew would care. The James she knew would NEVER lie to her. Who was this stranger.   
  
  
  “Do I even know you at all, James?” She asked quietly, when did she get so weak? She took a sip from her coffee and steadied her face.   
  
  
  James looked confused. “Of course you do, babe. You’ve known me for years.”  
  
  
  “Why did you lie?”   
  
  
  James sighed and set his drink down, rubbing a hand down his face. “I didn’t like to you, On. I just- didn’t tell you. You don’t need to know everything that goes on, you know? It wasn’t even any of your business. None of this is really.”  
  
  
  “None of my business!?” She screamed. She grabbed the railing on the table and squeezed until her knuckles turned white. “What about Louis? You saw how fucking miserable he was when you came with us on our Sundays! You could have warned him, made it hurt less.”   
  
  
  “Thank you for proving my point Ondine!” He screamed, and he actually stood, flipping the table over. Their drinks shattered on the ground, she could feel the shards of glass and hot liquid burn her exposed ankles. She bit her lip and looked at James who was red in the face, muscles strained. She could see the people in the coffee shop looking at them. “It’s not about you! I know it’s hard to believe but the world doesn’t revolve around perfect little Ondine Middleston. This is has nothing to do with you. You’re not his fucking protector, On.” James took a breath and she noticed the tears staining his cheeks. “You’re his friend and that’s great because I know he needs one but you’re not his private detector! If Louis truly wanted to know why Harry did what he did, or where Harry went, or why he’s doing what he’s doing now he would try to find the fucking answers on his own! Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, Louis wants to move on? That maybe you and you one track fucking mind, your own selfishness, is preventing him from doing that? Have you even asked him what he wants to do?”   
  
  
  She didn’t know what to say. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest people could dance to the beat of it. James’s chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace and she’d never seen him look so angry. Was she even angry anymore? She heard the back door of the shop open and the woman who served their drinks rushed out and walked towards them with a scowl on her face.   
  
  
  “Excuse me! I’m going to have to ask you two to leave.” No one moved, James closed his eyes and took three shaky breaths and Ondine was still frozen. “I’m sorry, but if you guys don’t leave at this moment I’m going to have to call the police.”   
  
  
  James shook his head and Ondine felt tears prick the backs of her eyes. “No, that’s not necessary. We’re done here.” He looked away from the woman and back at Ondine, watching her eye, “We’re done.” He said, and he had a bigger meaning to it that Ondine caught. He didn’t give her time to fall to her knees and sob for him to come back, don’t leave, don’t leave me. He picked the table up and apologized for the scene and then walked out.   
  
  
  She didn’t cry, she won’t cry. “I’m- I’m sorry.” She said to the girl. She had her hands on her hips now and looked so done with the day. Ondine didn’t want to make it worse. She through the cafe and out into her car. She turned the radio off as soon as she got in and reached for her phone, pulling up Louis’ number and sending him a quick text.   
  
  
**To: Louis**  
 **From: Ondine**  
 **12:30pm**  
  
 _I’m not going to be home till late_  
  
  
  She leaned her head back on the seat. She couldn’t go home right now, couldn’t face Louis. Not after what James said.   
  
  
**To: Ondine**  
 **From: Louis**  
 **12:35pm**  
  
 _ok.. is everything fine?_  
  
  
  She put the car in drive and pulled out of the parking lot and started driving down the long stretch of road that would take her downtown.   
  
  
**To: Louis**  
 **From: Ondine**  
 **12:40pm**  
  
 _Yea, m fine. remember to clean!xx_  
  
  
  She couldn’t deal with anything right now.   
  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me? -http://sinkingwithlife.tumblr.com/
> 
>  
> 
> Theres also a lot of mistakes, I know. I'll do my best to fix them tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6 - Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Kendall arrive in North Carolina and Harry still isn't okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel less than confident about this
> 
> This is just a short Harry and Kendall chapter that probably makes this story even more confusing
> 
> All in time

  “Ugh, this turbulence is the worst, isn’t it? I think with a private jet it’d be a bit smoother, but nope! Never is.” Kendall rambled on, clutching the armrests so tightly her knuckles turned white. Harry is rested up against the window, he was happy Kendall didn’t protest much when he said he wanted the window seat. He liked to watch the world go by, see it from the other side. He chuckled when he heard her complaining and looked at her with a raised brow.   
  
  
  “Kendall honey, you do this, what? Every other week?” He teased, smiling widely as she quickly let go of the rest to smack his arm rather roughly.   
  
  
  “Oh, put a sock in it Styles. Don’t act like it doesn’t get to you sometimes too.” She retorted, turning her head away from him so she could peer across the aisle through the opposite window. “It is rather lovely though, being up this high. It never gets old.” She looks back to him but he’s looking out the window again, lost in his own world.   
  
  
  She sighed, the air was smooth now. As smooth as it was going to get. She released her death grip and gently swiped a stray curl away from Harry’s eye. He grunted and tried to curl in on himself more, but she was persistent, grabbing under his arm and pulling his body back up. “What’s wrong? Did I say something wrong?” She asked softly, running a hand down and up the boys back until he breathing returned to normal.   
  
  
  He took three shallow breaths and avoided her eyes as he sat up properly again and focused right back on the window. “It just gets a little much, you know?” He stopped talking, watching his breath fog the glass of the airplane window before wiping it away with the palm of his hand. Kendall was quiet, waiting for him to continue. “I miss him.” His voice cracked just as someone walked up to them and asked if Harry was okay. Kendall kept her hand on his back and told them he’d need a glass of water and a blanket. She was gone as fast as she had come.   
  
  
  “I know, sweetie.” She looked out the window at the sky. It was so beautiful. Orange and red and blue all at the same time. The sky never failed to amaze her. She wonders briefly what harry thinks when he looks at it for so long. “And I’m so sorry.”  
  
  
  Harry sniffled and the stewardess was back, placing the folded blanket and glass of water on the table before walking away without a word said. Harry turned his over in his head and then he remembered.   
  
  
  He sits up abruptly and startles Kendall, who springs up in her seat like an Easter rabbit and clutches at her chest tightly. “Jesus! What?”   
  
  
  “Do you think he’s seen it?” He asked frantically, looking around the cabin of the plane like there was a possibility he’d see Louis sitting in one of the seats, red faced and clutching the magazine. He didn’t want to picture that. He couldn’t. He looked back to Kendall with wide eyes. “Do you think he knows.”  
  
  
  
  Kendall wasn’t sure what to do. She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and thought her response over carefully. “I-” she didn’t want to break him. “I don’t know hun, maybe the news won’t reach London so fast, yeah?” She paused and only relaxed when she saw his face calm a bit. “Do you think your mum’s seen it?”  
  
  
  
  Harry shook his head and paled considerably. “No. No, she hasn’t seen it. She would have called.”  
  
  
  
  “Okay, so if she hasn’t seen it yet, Louis hasn’t seen it yet? Okay?” She handed him the water. “Here, drink this. You look sickly.”   
  
  
  Harry took the water from her cold hands and nursed it slowly, feeling it pool in his empty stomach. He cringed at the feeling but swallowed more anyways. He could feel Kendall watching him carefully, like she was afraid he’d break. “I’m sorry.”  
  
  
  “It’s okay to talk about it Harry. You can’t keep all this bottled up forever. I’m here when you want to spill over, okay?”  
  
  
  Harry nodded weakly and wiped his face clean of the tears he didn’t even know he was shedding. “Okay, yeah.” He calms himself down, he needs to hold himself together. Get used to life without Louis. He drinks the splash of water that remained in his cup and placed it on the table, trading it for the blanket which he wrapped around his frail shoulders. “I got a call from Liam.”   
  
  
  “Yeah?” Kendal inquired, sitting back in her own seat now that she didn’t have to worry about Harry trying to jump off the plane. “What’d he say?”  
  
  
  “He told me he called Niall, but Niall’s already with Louis and I guess he was there and-” He twirled the ring around his finger to calm his nerves. “Liam said Louis took the phone from Niall and he was so- he was so angry Ken. He was so angry that Liam wouldn’t tell him anything and I know it’s my fault because I’m the one who made the lads promise not to tell anyone.” He pulls his knees up to his chest and Kendal scootches over so their bodies are pressed together. He throws the corner of the blanket over her and she’s falls into him easily. Looking up at him with wide eyes, waiting for him to finish.   
  
  
  “But- You know, I really want to tell him everything. Tell him about my mum and stuff, and just explain everything to him.” He paused again and closed his eyes. resting his head on the window pane. “Liam told me he wants to understand, but I- I just can’t. Not yet. Not until this is all over.” He didn’t want it to be over, not yet, not soon. But he wanted Louis, wanted to be able to hold him again. At the very least he wanted to be able to hold a conversation with him without feeling the shattered pieces of their relationship crunching against their bodies. If Harry were to be completely honest with himself, he doesn’t know what he wants.   
  
  
  He’s never honest with himself though.   
  
  
  “Take your time, Harry.” She whispered, lips grazing the soft fabric of his shirt. Harry shivered and pictured blue eyes, messy fringe nestled into his side. When he opened them again it was only Kendall and her big brown eyes and straight brown hair. “When you’re ready. He’ll understand then.”  
  
  
  “I messed him up so bad Kendall. James said Ondine had to practically carry Louis from our- Um, - his apartment.” He fiddled with his phone, then slid it on the table in front of him. “He’s a wreck and it’s all my fault.”   
  
  
  “It’s not and you know it.” Kendall snapped defensively. Harry didn’t feel like arguing with her. He nodded his head and looked back out the window. Kendall knew this conversation was over. She glanced at her phone and saw they only had 30 minutes of their flight left and the hadn’t even talked about selling the cabin.   
  
  
  “You still planning on selling the cabin?”   
  
  
  Harry lifted his head off the window and nodded sleepily. “Sure am.” he quipped, “There’s nothing left for me there. I’m done running away. Better face it sooner than later, right?”   
  
  
  Kendall smiled at him, all teeth, “You won’t be stuck forever.” She watched him lean his head back against the window and close his eyes. “This won’t last forever.” Harry and Kendall both knew there were two meanings behind her words. Harry didn’t know which one scared him more.   
  
  
\---  
  
  
  When the plane landed, it was with a heavy jolt, bouncing Harry in his seat and waking Kendall from her short slumber. He looked out the window and saw the green trees zipping by as they sped down the runway.   
  
  
  Kendall threw the blanket off her shoulders and stretched her aching back. “We’re here.” She said, standing when the plane stopped.   
  
  
  “So we are.” Harry smiled. He stood alongside her, grabbing his luggage and bounding off the plane and into the humid North Carolina air. He stood at the bottom of the steps and waited for Kendall to catch up with him.   
  
  
  She trotted down the stairs on laggy legs and held a hand over her eyes, looking out around them.   
  
  
  “I’m not sure I missed this.” Harry confessed. It was a hot day, hot and humid, and he could already feel the perspiration gathering on his skin. Kendall grabbed his hand in hers and tugged him toward the taxi that waited for them.   
  
  
  Paps were gathered in a lone pack by the line of trees and Harry held Kendall’s hand a little tighter. “I always miss it believe it or not.” Kendall laughed lightly and did her best to shield her face from the cameras. Harry only hoped most of the pictures wouldn’t be good enough to use.   
  
  
  He opened the door of the vehicle and ushered Kendall in before climbing in and sitting next to her. “Of course you missed it. You’ve told me about all those summer romances you had vacationing back here.” He let go of her hand and wiped his sweaty palm on the front of his jeans. “I’ll never understand why you chose North Carolina of all places.”  
  
  
  She shrugged, “It’s nice. Secluded when you’re in the right place.” she sighed and leaned back in her seat. “I like to go places where no one knows my name every once in a while.”   
  
  
  Harry smiled at her, dimples cratering in his skin, “Miss Model Jenner.”   
  
  
  She rolled her eyes at him, “Oh shut up Mr Boyband.”  
  
  
-  
  
  
  Harry paced on the wood floors of the cabin with the phone clutched tightly in his hand. He listened to the woman on the other end cancel yet another meeting to sell the cabin he had bought from her 4 months earlier. “I’m so sorry again Mr. Styles, but Jane is throwing up, it’s really not pretty. I can’t leave her like this.” He felt sorry for her, he did. But that didn’t stop him from rolling his eyes.   
  
  
  “It’s fine Mary, really. Do you think you’d be able to make it this upcoming weekend?”  
  
  
  Mary was silent on the other line and Harry could hear papers rustling around. “Let me check. Ah! Yes, I should be free and I could hire a babysitter to look after Jane.”   
  
  
  “Mummy, I don’t feel so well.”   
  
  
  “I’m sorry Mr. Styles, but I have to tend to her. I’ll see you next weekend!” She hung up the phone before Harry could say okay.   
  
  
  He groaned and tossed the phone on the brown sofa. Kendall emerged from the kitchen and gave him a look. “She cancelled again didn’t she?”  
  
  
  “For the 4th time, yes. Yes she did.”   
  
  
  She chuckled a little. “How many time can that kid get sick?”   
  
  
  “She changed it to this weekend, says she’ll get a babysitter.”  
  
  
  Kendall raised her eyebrows, “This weekend? I thought you were flying to London with me on Friday.”  
  
  
  Harry groaned again when he remembered that he was supposed to go with Kendall to one of her fashion shows. He ran a hand down his face, “I guess I’ll just fly in on Sunday. You’ll have more fashion shows for me to attend.”  
  
  
  Kendall fidgeted where she stood. “This is a scouting event, Harry. Lots of paps are going to be there. I think we could use the publicity. Make it more believable before… you know.”  
  
  
  “There will be more Kendall.” He snapped, and she raised her hands in surrender and walked back into the kitchen. Great, now he’s made her upset. He just wishes everything would work itself out faster. He wishes that people didn’t die and his mum would understand him and that he could be holding Louis’ hand instead of Kendall’s. He wishes a lot of things but it seems like all the shooting stars have burned out.   
  
  
  He should probably call his mum to check in on her and see if she’s still doing fine.   
  
  
  He’ll do it later.  
  
  
-  
  
  
  Kendall eventually came out of the kitchen again. Harry was curled up on the arm of the sofa unlocking and then locking his phone again. He wanted to check twitter and maybe see if Louis had posted anything but then again he didn’t really want to know what Louis had to say. He wanted to call Niall or Zayn or someone and just check on Louis but he was afraid they were around him and he’d pick up and- Harry just doesn’t know what he’d do if Louis picked up that phone.   
  
  
  “Harry.” Kendall coaxed, standing behind him. He looked up at her.   
  
  
  “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”   
  
  
  She nodded and leaned her elbows on the back of the couch. “It’s fine. You’re upset, it’s okay.” She reassured and Harry couldn’t believe he was lucky enough to meet her in an Ihop of all places. He was grateful for her, she was understanding and nice and Harry didn’t think that anyone else would have agreed to such a big favor. “Do you want to go out? Get your mind off things. Get a few more pictures out there.”   
  
  
  “Yeah.” Harry nodded, standing up, “Yeah let’s do that.”   
  
  
  Kendall smiled and he returned it the best he could before disappearing into the bathroom.   
  
  
  He’s locked himself away for 4 months in the woods in this small crappy cabin and he still hasn’t gotten control of himself.   
  
  
  It’s for the best.   
  
  
  He needs to remember, it’s for the best.  
  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions are always helpful
> 
> Me - http://sinkingwithlife.tumblr.com/


	7. Chapter 6 - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should just delete this whole story.

_Harry remembers when he first got the call._  
  
  
 _It was a sunny Sunday afternoon and Louis had just left with the boys to rent movies and buy snacks for their movie night when the Harry’s phone rang._  
  
  
 _When he pictures it now, it’s like static, like he’s watching a bad show on the telly and it’s glitchy and parts get cut out and you’re not really sure what happened before hand but you get the big picture. His socked feet padded on the hardwood as he walked slowly over to the phone, assuming is was one of the boys calling him to see if they remembered the movie right._  
  
  
 _“Hello?” He asked, leaning up against the counter. He could hear the person on the other end breathing but not speaking. “Louis?”_  
  
  
 _“Harry.” a female voice broke through the phone, frantic. He perked up and held the phone to his ear tighter like maybe if it were a little closer, he’d be able to hear the words on the other end more clearly. Less choked. “It’s me, Gemma.”_  
  
  
 _“Gemma, are you alright? You don’t sound well, is everything okay?”_  
  
  
 _“No Harry, everything isn’t okay. It’s mum, she’s really sick Harry.” She paused and it sounded like she blew her nose. Harry’s heart froze. He knew his mum’s health had been taking a turn for the worse but he just didn’t know how bad. “It’s cancer. She doesn’t have very long.”_  
  
  
  _Now he was clutching the phone out of necessity and not out of greed to hear words unspoken. He didn’t want to hear more but he also wanted to hear everything. “What?” He felt like he was swimming, “What-”_  
  
  
 _“Just- just please come out Harry. She- You need to see her.”_  
  
  
 _His heart felt a bit like ice on fire, frozen but burning all the same. “I’ll be out tomorrow.”_  
  
  
 _He hung up on her and didn’t waste any time running to the computer and booking a flight that left in an hour._  
  
  
 _He didn’t leave a note for Louis, he just left._   
  
  
-  
  
  
  Harry doesn’t know why he’s remembering that now. He’s got a belly full of alcohol and an empty arm and he wonders where Kendall went off to. The club that they went to was full of life and Harry finds it ironic that he’s thinking of death. The people jumped and the music thumped and to Harry it reminded him a lot of a heart beating. One massive heart beating despite their problems, like a party.   
  
  
  Okay, yeah. Harry was drunk.   
  
  
  He’s vaguely aware of people looking at him. He tries to focus on one of them but they’re hazy and blurred like a mistake a pencil couldn’t erase all the way. Did he seriously just compare people to pencil mistakes. He looks a little harder at them.   
  
  
  Yeah, he did.  
  
  
  “I’m going to have to cut you off soon, mate. You’re going to dry up the supply.” The bartender warned. Harry snapped his head around to look at him.   
  
  
  He was an average man with pinched features and lines between his brows. He was wiping the counter in front of Harry. “I’ll restock you guys.”   
  
  
  The man laughed and shook his head, throwing the white towel over his shoulder and wiping his hands on his jeans. “Not from your grave.”   
  
  
  Harry furrowed his brows as the man walked away. He could feel someone sitting next to him, “Do you know what he meant?” He asked them, but didn’t look at them. He felt like his he moved his head too fast one more time it’d spin right off.   
  
  
  “Alcohol poisoning, I’m pretty sure.” They answered, and Harry risked a glance at them, relieved when his head didn’t tumble to the floor.   
  
  
  It was a small blonde girl who had answered him, clad in a short blue dress that barely went past the middle of her thighs. Her eyes widened when he looked at her, mouth popping open. She had too much make up on.   
  
  
  “You’re Harry Styles.” It wasn’t a question but Harry nodded anyways, sobering up a bit when she placed her manicured hand on his shoulder. “I thought it was you, but I wasn’t sure.”  
  
  
  “It’s me.” He smirked, “In the flesh.”  
  
  
  “Wow.” She awed, leaning towards him a bit. “I can’t believe it. Kala is going to be so pissed that she knocked off girls night tonight.” She shook her head and removed her hand from his shoulder, instead wrapping it around the fruity drink in front of her, sipping from the straw daintily before catching his wandering attention again by waving her hand in front of his face. She smelled like bubble gum.   
  
  
  “Where did you disappear to? It was like- all of a sudden. I used to not be able to log onto the internet without seeing your face pop up somewhere, then all of a sudden, poof! You were gone.” She talked a lot with her hands and Harry struggled to stay focused.   
  
  
  “I-” He looked around again and forgot everything, “I left.” He couldn’t remember, why was he here again?  
  
  
  She giggled and slapped his arm, taking another sip from her drink. “No duh silly!” Harry thinks she’s flirting with him but he’s not really sure. “I saw you in the paper though! Just last week, like a Houdini trick! You came out of nowhere.”   
  
  
  “Yeah…”   
  
  
  She smiled at him, her lipstick was wearing and her hair was starting frizz. Harry wondered how long she took to get ready, knowing it’s be messed up as soon as she got a few drinks in her. “Yeah, Kendall now huh?” She asked, Harry racked his brain, where was Kendall? “I thought it was Lewis. What happened to him? He was around for quite a while! Couldn’t see your picture without him latched to your side. He seemed a bit clingy… is that why you dumped him?”  
  
  
  He remembered now. He remembered everything he was trying to forget because a bubbly girl thought she could win him over by dogging someone he loved. His blood was boiling for a different reason now. “Shut up.” He snapped and the girls eyes widened. She looked a bit like a cartoon.   
  
  
  “Excuse me?” She asked, voice shaking like she couldn’t believe Harry just yelled at her.   
  
  
  “I said shut up.” He looked away from her and back at his empty glass. “You don’t know anything. Don’t fucking talk about him.   
  
  
  She sat with her mouth open for a bit, before picking her drink up, affronted, “You know, I heard you were a dick. I never believed them though.”   
  
  
  She stomped off, blonde hair brushing Harry’s arm as she walked away. The bodies quickly enveloped her and the flashing lights made it hard to follow her with his eyes.   
  
  
  He buried his face in his hands and tried to forget again. He couldn’t though, alcohol never kept the memories at bay for long.   
  
  
-  
  
  
 _Harry rushed into the hospital room Gemma said their mother would be in. It looked empty and smelled too clean, he never liked hospitals._  
  
  
 _He stopped when he entered the room. Stopped walking, stopped breathing. He shut the heavy door behind him and took in the sight of his frail mother laying in the hospital bed. Her hair was lighter than before, there was less of it. It framed her head like a dying halo. She was barely a bump under the white sheets and her face looked so much older than he remembered it to be._  
  
  
 _“Harry?” She called out, opening her eyes and searching the room for him. A brittle smile took over her features when she spotted him by the door. He still couldn’t breathe. “Harry, my baby. Don’t just stand there, come hold your mum’s hand.”_  
  
  
 _He didn’t even realize he was moving until he was by her bedside. She took her hand in his and Harry almost pulled his away. Her hand was so cold and boney, he wondered how fast it took the life to drain from his mother. How fast the mum he knew could die and be replaced with the skeleton that looked at him now. He couldn’t swallow past the lump in his throat._  
  
  
 _“Mum.” She squeezed his hand. “I’m scared.”_  
  
  
 _“Oh don’t be, Darling. It happens to everyone.”_  
  
  
 _Harry shook his head, he felt like a little boy again. He couldn’t be wrapped in his mothers arms this time though, so he stood above her and did his best to stop from breaking in front of her. “No, not like this. Not like this.”_   
  
  
-  
  
  
  “Buddy.” Harry shot out of his memory with tears in his eyes and looked at the bartender who stood infront of him again. He blinked the tears away and wiped at his face quickly.   
  
  
  “Yeah?”  
  
  
  He held up a flashing phone. “You’re girlfriend gave me this earlier and I’m not supposed to give it back to you but this person has been calling you non stop for 30 minutes and I thought it might be important.” He slid the phone into Harry’s hands and Harry thanked him. He walked off and Harry looked at the phone.   
  
  
  Mum  
  
  
  He stood and weaved his way around the sweaty, pulsing bodies, going out the back entrance of the club. A few men were leaned up against the wall smoking but they paid him no mind, staying to themselves as they showed each other new smoke tricks they learned.   
  
  
  Harry walked passed them until he was hidden from view, his phone lit up again and he answered it was shaky hands.   
  
  
  “Mum?”   
  
  
  “Harry, I’m so proud of you.” Harry slid down the wall and sat on the dusty floor, closing his eyes. He didn’t feel proud of himself at all. “I saw the papers just now, she’s beautiful Harry. She’ll make a wonderful bride.”   
  
  
  Harry pulled his knees to his chest and dropped his head between them. A bride. “I know.” He felt sick all of a sudden.   
  
  
  “I’m so happy you’ve made the right choice. That boy was no good for you.” She paused for breath, “What’s her name?”  
  
  
  “Kendall.”  
  
  
  “Kendall.” The smile was evident in her voice. “A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” Harry nodded and didn’t care that she couldn’t see him. Was glad she couldn’t see him. He was a wreck, with stained clothes and a blotchy face. He’s supposed to be happy. “Well Dear, I just wanted to call and tell you I’m so happy. You guys look lovely together. You sound tired so I’ll let you go, I love you.”  
  
  
  “Yeah.” He whispered. He didn’t understand how she could love him and ask him to do this, but he couldn’t refuse her. Her dying wish. “Love you too.”   
  
  
  The line went dead.   
  
  
  He could hear the men who had been smoking laugh loudly, joking with each other as they entered the club again and left Harry alone in the dark. Alone in the silence.   
  
  
-  
  
  
 _“I want you to do something for me Harry.” His mom whispered out, her eyes were fluttering open and closed. The medication they gave her to help her sleep nearly winning the battle._  
  
  
 _Harry held her hand tighter, “Anything.”_  
  
  
 _“I want you to marry a nice girl. It’s my only wish, I want to make sure your life turns out right.”_  
  
  
 _Harry furrowed his eyebrows, “But mum, Louis-”_  
  
  
 _“That boy isn’t right for you Harry. It’s a phase, that’s all it is. It’s always been a phase.”_  
  
  
 _“It’s not a phase mum. I love him.” His voice cracked and he wanted to drop his mum’s hand, but he couldn’t. She held him tighter._  
  
  
 _“Please Harry.” She pleaded, Harry couldn’t quite believe what was happening. “It’s all I want.”_  
  
  
 _Harry didn’t know what to say. He felt like he was holding a strangers hand. Like when the life was drained out of her it took her heart too. Shouldn’t his happiness be enough to make her happy?_  
  
  
 _He couldn’t leave Louis, but he couldn’t refuse his mother of this._  
  
  
 _“Okay.”  He couldn’t believe this. “Okay.”_  
  
  
-  
  
  
  Harry had no control. No control at all. Not of his life, not of his body, not of his relationship. Nothing.   
  
  He needed to talk to to him.   
  
  
  He tapped in the number he knew by heart and started writing out a message for him.   
  
  
**To: Louis**  
 **From: Harry**  
  
  
 _I still say your name in my sleep and you haunt my dreams and I can’t fully get you out of my veins. I tried to wash you out with alcohol tonight but I only ended up drowning myself. You’re still there._  
 _I want to explain it to you. God Louis I want to tell you everything and I want to hold you_  
 _I figured if I hurt you enough you’d leave me and I'd have a reason to move on. You wouldn't want me anymore. It didn't happen like that._  
 _I don’t really know how everything got so out of hand so quickly_  
 _I love you_  
  
  
  He erased it all, it was too much. God this was all too much. He needed to tell Louis that he still cares though. His back was digging into the wall of the club and he could still hear the music and he hopes that someone has got a picture of him sat out here, put it in the papers, on billboards. He wants Louis to know he’s hurting too.   
  
    
 **To: Louis**  
 **From: Harry**  
  
 _I’m sorry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I should


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys can thank OnceUponAWord for the lack of mistakes in the morning when she fixes all the places I messed up on. 
> 
> I hope this isn't a disappointment

  Ondine pulled into the grimy parking of the small dive bar that was far enough away from Louis’ flat that if Niall were to decide Louis needs a night out on the town, there was no possible chance they’d accidentally run into her. Her feet were aching in her high heels and possibly from pressing on the gas too hard and kicking the tire of her car as she got out, but she didn’t dwell on either of those options. _Probably from standing too long_ , she reasoned with herself as she half limped through the double doors. _Yeah, that’s it._   
  
  
  

  The old doors creaked and groaned as she pushed them in, sending them flying back and knocking against a small table that was set up just behind them. The few people that were in the bar peered curiously at her and most conversation died down. She stood frozen in the doorway for a moment, wiping under her eyes in a futile attempt to get rid of the smudged make up the she was sure had run down her cheeks from the tears she had shed earlier in the car. It was pointless though, the black streaks were already dried to her skin.

**  
  
**

  She looked at the people who continued to stare at her  before averting her gaze to the floor and walking in. Her heels clicked loudly and echoed through the bar as she made her way to the stool, foam erupting from the cheap leather casing. As soon as she sat down the conversation started up again and she didn't feel as many gazes burning into the back of her skull.

**  
  
**

  Ondine rested the space between her heel and sole against the bar of her chair and waited impatiently for the bartender to make his way to her. The back of her pockets scraped against the torn up seat when she tried to spin in the chair. She was disappointed to find that the seat didn't move.

**  
  
**

  "Hey Darling, what can I get you?" She glanced up at the chipper boy standing in front of her and shot him a quick smile.

**  
  
**

  "The strongest thing you've got."

**  
  
**

  He nodded his head sharply and stalked off. Ondine took the opportunity to glance around. For a dive bar, the place wasn’t half bad. It had an orange tint to it, behind the counter various flyers and papers were scattered messily on the walls, dozens of brightly and dimly colored bottles lined the shelves in front of it. The ceiling was low and all black and small booths with the same colored leather as the stool Ondine was sitting on. The customers were all dressed drabbly, like they got dressed in the dark. Only then did Ondine realize how out of place she must look in the dank setting.   
  
  
  She rested her head in the palm of her hand and leaned her elbow on the table, shutting her eyes. She needed that bartender to get back soon so she could just forget. Needed to lose her senses before she started thinking about anything.   
  
  
  “Here you go.” The boy, Frank the nametag says, sets a glass of dark brown liquid in front of her before immediately walking to care for the people at the opposite end who were pounding their fists on the table and shouting angrily at the small TV set up in the corner.   
  
  
  She curled her fingers around the glass, letting out a sigh as the cold cooled her burning palms, and took a large gulp. Her throat burned as it slid down but it was all part of the process. She only paused for brief moments between each gulp, slamming the glass down before picking it right up again.

**  
  
**

  She liked to believe she could speed up the process.

**  
  
**

  She could.

**  
  
**

-

**  
  
**

  Zayn stood outside Louis' flat and knocked on the door three times before taking a step back and attempting to keep the multiple containers of take out food steady in his arms. The door was thrown open shortly after and Niall smiled widely at Zayn. "I thought you were never coming, mate. Louis and I are starving."

**  
  
**

  Zayn chuckled and handed the boxes over to Niall, stepping inside and shutting the door behind him quickly. He hated the fact that the quick heat wave had ended so soon and was bitterly reminded that it was still winter when he stepped into the warm flat. Niall bounded away, holding the bags like they were nothing as he skipped into the kitchen. "Louis! Food is here and it has company." He shouted, sticking his head into the living room briefly before continuing on his way.

**  
  
**

  "It's about time." Louis grumbled, throwing the covers off his body and following the Irish boy into the kitchen. Zayn followed shortly after, taking his coat off and setting it on the back of the dining room chair.

**  
  
**

  "I can only move so fast." Zayn retorted, smiling at Louis who only rolled his eyes at him. "I wasn't sure what Ondine wanted so I just got her the orange chicken."

**  
  
**

  Louis sent him a look before glancing at Niall. He shrugged, "Ondine isn't here, it's just us  boys tonight."   
  
  
  “Where’d she go?” Zayn asked before he could think better of it. He earned another look from Louis but sat still in his seat, the words were already out there.   
  
  
  “She said she had to go meet someone.” Louis informed after watching Zayn for a few moments, “She was wearing heels so it must be someone special. She only ever wears heels when she’s forced to at gigs. Makes her feet hurt.” He continued, pulling out the container with the shaky ‘L’ drawn on it before brushing shoulders with Zayn and walking into the living room. “I’ll pick a movie for us.”   
  
  
  After Louis had left the room Zayn glanced back at Niall who was already looking at him. “What?”  
  
  
  “You’re so transparent, Z.” Niall chuckled, tossing him the take out container that had his initial on it. “I mean really, could you be anymore obvious?”  
  
  
  He huffed and set his container upright, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
  
  
  Niall scoffed and grabbed Zayn’s arm, leading him to where Louis was. “Yeah, sure.”  
  
  
-  
  
  
  The three boys had only watched two movies before Louis was half asleep curled up against Niall. Niall poked him in the shoulder before gently shaking him. “Why Niall?” He accused.   
  
  
  “You’re half asleep, Lou. Go to bed.”   
  
  
  “What time is it?” He asked, voice scratchy with sleep. Zayn checked his phone and mouthed the time to Niall.   
  
  
  “10:18.” Louis sat up sleepily and brushed the hair from his eyes, looking around.   
  
  
  “Is Ondine home yet?” Niall shook his head.   
  
  
  “Not yet.”   
  
  
  “Oh.” Louis removed himself from Niall and started picking up the empty food boxes. Niall placed a hand on his and shook his head.   
  
  
  “It’s okay Lou, I’ll take care of it. Just go to bed, okay?”  
  
  
  Louis nodded reluctantly and set them back down. “Are you staying tonight?”  
  
  
  “Yeah.”  
  
  
  “Okay.” Louis gave Niall and Zayn a quick wave before walking down the hall with his blanket thrown over his shoulder.   
  
  
  “Good thing we cleaned his room.” Niall said, after he heard the quiet click of Louis’s bedroom door. “He wouldn’t have made it to the bed if we didn’t. We’d be hosting his funeral right now.”  
  
  
  Zayn laughed, “That bad?”  
  
  
  Niall shook his head solemnly, “Worse.”  
  
  
  Niall and Zayn laughed together as they stood and gathered the trash from the coffee table, taking it into the kitchen and doing the dishes for Louis. Zayn checked in the hall and listened for any sign that Louis was still awake. It was completely silent.   
  
  
  He joined Niall at the table, “So, any word from Harry?” He asked. Niall perked up.   
  
  
  “Yeah, actually. I got a call a few hours ago when Lou was on the phone with you.” He said, then started picking at his nail.   
  
  
  “And?” Zayn prompted.  
  
  
  “Bad news.” Zayn sat up in his seat, “That show thing that Ondine is taking Louis to is also the show that Kendall and Harry are supposed to be flying out to attend.”  
  
  
  Zayn’s eyes widened, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”  
  
  
  “Lower your voice!” Niall scolded, “Kendall’s the one who told me a little pick after they got back to the cabin. She said that that lady cancelled on Harry again and that he would be flying out after her so we wouldn’t be able to see him before. Then she started talking about it more and how it was with Model 1 and connecting two and two…”  
  
  
  “Well what the hell do we do?” Zayn whispered, “We can’t tell Louis and Ondine, they already know something is up with us. Do we tell Harry and Kendall?”  
  
  
  Niall shrugged, “I think we should tell Kendall.”  
  
  
  “What about-”  
  
  
  “Because I’m not sure how Harry would take it.” Niall interrupted. “If we tell him now, he’s going to flip the fuck out and probably ditch his flight. Or worse, actually show up to the fashion show and make things worse for himself and Louis.”   
  
  
  Zayn sighed and dropped his head to the table. “So what would Kendall do?”  
  
  
  “We both know that Kendall and Harry are close, yeah? I think she’s the person Harry trusts most right now. Once Harry flies back to the UK, Kendall can hopefully distract Harry from the fashion show or some shit- I don’t know Zayn!” Niall confessed, standing before tossing beer to Zayn and opening one himself. “I don’t know.”  
  
  
  “This is getting out of control.” Zayn said.   
  
  
  “I’ll just tell Kendall. She can handle this.” Niall decided.   
  
  
  Silence fell over the room as both boys nursed their beers. “I know what happened with Ondine today.” Niall said quietly. Zayn perked up.   
  
  
  “What happened to Ondine?” He asked hurriedly, “Something happened to her?”  
  
  
  “She went to meet James, it didn’t go well. James called me and told me he broke it off with her and that she left in tears in her car.”  
  
  
  “Fuck!” Zayn shouted, standing quickly and grabbing his coat, “Did he say what direction she went in?” He felt panic rise in his chest. He was never close to Ondine but even he knew she was dangerous when she was upset.   
  
  
  “Out of town I think.” Niall stood and walked to Zayn trying to calm him. Zayn threw Niall’s hands off his body and grabbed his keys. “Calm down, mate. She probably went to a bar or something, she’ll be back.”  
  
  
  “It’s late Niall.” Zayn said, “Really late, she would have been back by now.”   
  
  
  He ignored Niall’s pleas to stay and walked out the door.   
  
  
-  
  
     
  The road Zayn was driving on was already beginning to ice and he couldn't drive nearly as fast as he wanted to.  "Come on Ondine, where are you?" He peered through the foggy windows of his Mercedes and squinted. He’d already driven past the cafe where she was this morning, the lights in it were already dimmed. He continued on out of town like Niall said until he approached a barely there light standing out in the dark of the night.   
  
  
  He veered off the road and parked hastily in the lot, He was at a dingy little dive bar. He couldn’t imagine someone like Ondine ever stepping foot in there, but this was the only place.   
  
  
  Loud music could be heard from where Zayn stood outside. Shouts and laughter followed. “Shit!” He closed the door harshly and ran to the breaking double doors, knocking them open and freezing in his tracks.   
  
  
  The loud bang didn’t startle anyone inside. They were too focused on the girl laying flat on her back atop the bar. Vodka being poured down her belly into a dirty mans mouth. All the drunks cheered when he swallowed it all and lifted the girl up, smashing his mouth on hers forcefully.   
  
  
  She was pliant in his arms, but not reciprocating the kiss.   
  
  
  Her light brown hair was in knots on her head and her flowery blouse was ripped. Zayn could feel his heart beating a mile a minute.   
  
  
  Only when the man let go of her and high fived his friends did the bright blue eyes flicker up to meet his. He couldn’t move, he could only look at her.   
  
  
  She looked a wreck, her blouse was ripped and the only thing keeping her from being fully exposed the blood red bra, wet from vodka. Her eyes were red and her eyebrows were scrunched together like she wasn’t quite sure she knew that beautiful man who had come to interrupt their fun. And- fuck. Her shoes were missing.   
  
  
  “Ondine!” Zayn yelled, pushing past the bodies to get to her. “Ondine, what the fuck!” He reached her, trying to pull her to his body but she struggled against him.   
  
  
  “Let go of me! Get your fucking hands off me!” She screamed. He tried to soothe her but it was useless.   
  
  
  “Hey!” Someone shouted, Zayn looked up. Ondine broke free from his grasp and curled in on herself. “What the fuck you think you’re doing, mate?” The dirty man from before asked, red in the face.   
  
  
  “I’m trying to get her out of here.”  
  
  
  “I don’t think so, buddy.” He scooped Ondine up in his arms. Zayn could feel a fire start inside him. “She’s with us.”   
  
  
  He looked at Ondine, frail in the man's arms but not struggling. He knew he wouldn’t be able to bring the man down, not with all his friends around. They were all twice his size. He’d have to get Ondine to remember him. He pushed his anger down and focused solely on Ondine.   
  
  
  She was shaking, “Ondine, listen to me please. I need you to hear me.” The men around laughed as Ondine only snuggled into the mans arms further.   
  
  
  He had to bring her to her senses. “It’s Louis.” He shouted over the laughter. She went rigid in the mans arm, looking at Zayn sharply but not moving.   
  
  
  “Give it up mate, she doesn’t want you! She want me.”   
  
  
  “He needs you Ondine, Louis needs you.”   
  
  
  The next thing was a blur. Ondine let out a scream a warrior would be jealous of, making the man holding her startle and drop her to the bar. Her face contorted in pain for only a brief moment before she turned her rage on the man who took a body shot off of her. “Get your dirty fucking mitts off me!” She didn’t give the man time to react before she punched him in the jaw. “Who the fuck do you think you are? You ripped my bloody shirt. This thing costs more than you make in a year, wanker!” She kneed him between the legs and he dropped to the floor.   
  
  
  Zayn gasped and got out of the crowd, he couldn’t help but smirk as she continued to yell at the men, making them cower in fear from the tiny girl who had her goods haning out. He didn’t even bother to smother the fire that burst in his stomach, he let grow. Let it burn him.   
  
  
  “Fucking pathetic, is what you lot are!” She wiped the blood that was on her knuckled on that back of the man she knocked down, “Now, anyone else want to try to say who I can and can’t go with? No?? That’s what I thought, bastards.”   
  
  
  She turned to Zayn and scowled for a moment before stepping through the shaking men, walking up to him. “They ripped my bloody shirt, Zayn.” Zayn laughed, but got quiet when he saw Ondine. Up close it was worse. He didn’t say anything though.   
  
  
  He removed his coat and offered it to her, she raised an eyebrow at him. “It’s gotten chilly out and um- I- Well, your shirt.”   
  
  
  She looked down and frowned, “Oh yeah. This thing is bloody useless, isn’t it?” She chuckled and took the blouse off completely. Zayn's eyes widened and he averted his gaze, handing her his coat blinding. “Oh come on, Z” She said, but took the coat anyways, wrapping it around herself. “It’s not like you’ve never seen a pair of tits before.”  
  
  
  “Come on.” He said, blushing as he lead Ondine outside and into his car.   
  
  
-  
  
  
  The car ride had been mostly silent. He glanced over at Ondine every so often to make sure she was still awake. She had been everytime, eyes unblinking staring out the window.   
  
  
  “Zayn?” She asked quietly, almost timidly.   
  
  
  He resisted the urge to look at her, focusing ahead. Their turn was in a mile. “Yeah, On?”  
  
  
  “Pull over the car.”   
  
  
  “What?” He asked, finally looking at her and he could see the tears on her cheeks. She was panting and was growing pale, like the inside of the car was suddenly too small.   
  
  
  “Just pull over the fucking car!” She screamed. Zayn did so, swerving into the empty field. The car rolled over the rocks and grass before coming to a halt.   
  
  
  “Turn it off.”  
  
  
  He took the keys out of the ignition and waited for further instruction from the girl. She was still crying and Zayn didn’t know what to do. “Unlock the car.”  
  
  
  He did so reluctantly, watching her carefully. She opened the car door and stepped out, shutting it behind her. Zayn stayed in the car listening to the sound of his own heart beat.   
  
  
  Then she screamed, screamed so loud Zayn thought she might have been hurt. He opened his door and looked over the hood of the car at her.   
  
  
  She was just… screaming. She had her head thrown up and her feet firmly on the ground and her hands in fists at her side and she was just screaming, so loud.   
  
  
  Zayn didn’t move, didn’t say anything. Just watched as she broke down. Kicking at the earth beneath them and grabbing at her hair. Screaming until she couldn’t anymore.   
  
  
  She finally turned to face Zayn and he felt his own throat tighten at the sight of her. Her whole face was red with popped blood vessels and her breath came out in white clouds. She was shaking so badly, he didn’t know what to do.   
  
  
  “Now.” She said, barely audible. She leaned against the car, holding herself up as she walked the length of it until she was standing in front of Zayn. “Hold me.” She fell into his arms with little warning, he struggled to keep them both up right but managed.   
  
  
  “Woah.” He breathed out. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and she dug her face into the crook of his arm.   
  
  
  “It’s cold Zayn.”   
  
  
  “I’ll get you in that car, one second. Can you stand on your own for me, On?” He asked gently. She squeezed him tighter but then let go.   
  
  
  He opened the back door and ushered her inside, following her in and shutting the door. She was attached again to his body almost immediately and he tried to soothe her by patting down the matted strands of her hair. It was futile though, she only sobbed harder.   
  
  
  “What the fuck is going on?” She asked, Zayn didn’t say anything. “All of this is so fucking fucked up what the fuck.” She hiccuped and pulled away from Zayn. He stayed still as she looked at him. “I’m so angry! I’m fucking angry Zayn! Why is life fucking with us so much?” She was looking at him like he had the answers.   
  
  
  “I- I don’t know Ondine.”  
  
  
  “No one fucking knows, right. We just get fucked and fucked over and over again and does anyone ever stop to wonder why? You’ll go crazy thinking about it.” She sniffled. “Stop thinking about it.”  
  
  
  Zayn didn’t know what to do, she looked like she lost her wits. “Ondine, you’re confusing me.”  
  
  
  “James broke up with me.” She said suddenly, stopping her babbling and looking Zayn straight in the eye. “But you knew that already didn’t you?”   
  
  
  
  Zayn remained silent.   
  
  
  She narrowed her eyes at him and then chuckled without humor. “Oh yeah, that’s right. Of course you did. How else did you know where to look for me. Who was it? Harry? James?”  
  
  
  “I don’t know what-” Zayn tried, panicking but Ondine didn’t give him the chance to finish.   
  
  
  “Don’t play dumb, Zayn.” She snapped at him, “I know you know more than you’re letting on. Louis likes to see the good in people, waits for them to completely fuck him up before he thinks otherwise.” She shook her head and leaned closer to Zayn. “You’re so transparent Zayn.” She parroted what Niall had said earlier and Zayn couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak. “You know something.”   
  
  
  “Ondine-”  
  
  
  She placed a hand over his mouth, “But I trust you.” She removed her hand and sat back down.   
  
  
  Zayn was so fucking confused, “You- trust me?”   
  
  
  “Yeah.” She paused, looking up at him. “I don’t know why, but I do. I trust you Zayn. I’m trusting you. I don’t really know for what yet, but I know it’s important.”   
  
  
  Silence fell over the car and he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “I- thank you.”   
  
  
  She shook her head, “I don’t want Louis to see me like this. Would you maybe take me to a hotel or something?”   
  
  
  Zayn was still in a stunned silence, he nodded his head though and got in the drivers seat, starting the car once Ondine was in the passengers.   
  
  
  “Or your place, you know. Whatever floats your boat.”  
  
  
-  
  
  Louis awoke to his phone beeping from underneath him. He groaned and grabbed for it, blinking harshly when the light came on and assaulted his vision. “What…”  
  
  
To: Louis  
From: Unknown  
  
  
  I’m sorry.   
  
  
  He sat up and read the message over again before squinting at the number, he had no idea who it was. It must be a wrong number. He decides to text back.   
  
  
To: Unknown  
From: Louis  
  
  
  Who is this?  
  
  
  He sat up staring at his phone. After not receiving a reply he decided to call it.   
  
  It only rang 4 times before a tired female voice answered. “Hello?” She had an American accent Louis noted.   
  
  
  “Oh- Hi. I’m sorry if I’m waking you or something.” He said hurriedly. The woman on the other end sighed.   
  
  
  “It’s fine, I wasn’t sleeping.” her voice sounded so familiar but he couldn’t place it. “Can I help you?”  
  
  
  He’s definitely heard her voice before. All of a sudden his stomach was in knots but he couldn’t figure out why. Who was she? Why did she text him, ‘I’m sorry.’?  
  
  
  “I- I got a text from this number?” He said it more like a question. The girl on the other line was silent. Louis was afraid she had hung up on him when he suddenly heard a shaky breath.   
  
  
  “I-”  
  
  
  "Kendall, where’d you go? Come back to bed."   
  
  
  Louis felt his heart drop into his stomach and his stomach drop to his toes and by the time Louis could gather his senses somewhat he must have been 6 feet under. Kendall. Harry. Harry and Kendall. He thought being walked out on hurt.   
  
  
  That was nothing.   
  
  
  “Harry?” He asked brokenly. He heard Kendall shush Harry before she spoke to him.   
  
  
  “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.”   
  
  
   The dial tone sounded.   
  
  
  
  Louis tightened his grip around the phone. It felt like he was drowning all over again. It felt like he was seeing Harry in bed with another person, walking out and ‘I can’t do this anymore Lou.’ all at once. It felt like 4 months alone and cheap paper.   
  
  
_It fucking hurt._   
  
  
  His lungs were fire and ice and Louis just wishes he would fucking melt already.   
  
  
  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a new Tumblr just for Larry so if you guys want updates on updates schedules or just larry follow me here --------- 
> 
>  
> 
> I have to thank most of you for encouraging me to continue this. Without you, it'd be scrapped. 
> 
>  
> 
> Comments and Kudos make my day.


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